The Smoke From His Lips

9

Connor avoided eye contact with Jared after remembering the text conversation. Jesus Christ, he wasn't gonna start talking to that gremlin. He seemed okay of a person from time to time but other times? God no. He wasn't sure what to think about Jared at all honestly. There had to be something else behind who he is in school, even who he is one on one. It's not possible to be a flat but two face person, that's not it. It can't be it. Connor's head hurt from thinking. Why did he always analyze this shit? Oh right, because he's lonely and watches people instead of socializing. Connor hit his head on his locker door, but hit it a little too hard. He meant to be just forceful enough to snap himself out of his head, but instead he made an echoing bang and shudder from the metal that made the lingering people in the hall look over. Fuck. He didn't even move his head.

"That sounded like it hurt," Jared mumbled from a little ways down the hall, already approaching Connor before the bang of his locker.

Connor bit back a ""fuck you"" and just stayed as was, fists clenched from his frustration to himself. He's thinking too deep into every single action Jared does. From the tone of his voice to the twitch in his left eyebrow that Connor picked up not that long ago, Connor was thinking about. He wanted to know who Jared is through all these mixed signals but he didn't know how to normally function in social situations. He never socialized when he was younger. He isolated himself from anyone outside his house, now that came back and bit him in the ass. Everything was stuck in his head and there's no possible way he could ever get it all out——

"Uhm, dude?" Jared hesitated next to Connor. Connor didn't notice before, having been cycling through his messy thoughts, and of course almost fucking screamed. In place of a scream, though, a hand shot out and pushed one of Jared's shoulders into the locker. "Hey! Fuck, Connor what the hell?" Jared winced and flinched from the shove.

Connor froze and stared at Jared. "You scared me," he mumbled quietly and shakily put his hand down. Jared looked to Connor with a worried glance and a skittish stance. His guard seemed almost lowered. So did Connor's, in a small scale.

"Uh, sorry," Jared sheepishly mumbled and looked at his shoes. "That bang sounded like you just earned yourself a nice concussion."

Connor rolled his eyes. He wish he hit his head hard enough to black out now. "I will gladly give myself a concussion and kill my fucking brain cells if it means I don't have to come to school every weekday just to be forced to tolerate your stuck up ass." He saw Jared flinch slightly.

"Too bad you never seem to do as you're forced and tolerate me," Jared retorted with a huff and a glance to the side. "You don't even seem to pretend."

"Is the all manly, insanely cool Jared Kleinman," Connor spat sarcastically, looking over at Jared with exhausted and fed up eyes, "actually getting affected by words? Is something getting into your head for once? So instead of telling you to stop and leave me alone, I just need to strike a nerve about how intolerable you make yourself seem?"

Jared shifted uneasily as Connor threw it all at him. It started to pound in his head.

"Make myself seem?" Jared glanced to Connor with a raised eyebrow. He looked so confused but, so, so fucking scared at the same time. He was straight up unsettled.

Connor paused and pursed his lips as he sorted through his mind for the right words. He meant what he meant, he couldn't rephrase it, he couldn't do anything with that. "Did I fucking stutter?" Connor ended up mindlessly snapping at Jared, so frustrated in his own mind that it came out his mouth.

"No," Jared meekly mumbled. "It's——"

"Am I that sweaty and stuttering mess of a kid you hang out with?" Connor raised his voice again, more and more and more frustrated that words started to spill out and his vision just blurred. His mind blurred too. "Do I look like I'm stupid enough to fall for you acting clueless? You should know what I'm talking about." He barely knew his mouth was moving, it was all impulse. His mind stop processing and his mouth started up.

Jared cringed and looked at his shoes. His mind started to spin and whirl around and he didn't know if he could ever think straight again. It was spinning behind his eyes and outside his ears and making him light headed. "I don't! You're acting crazy."

"What happened to that apology? To that cigarette? Huh?!" Connor snapped his head over. "Cigarette," He repeated to himself in a whisper. He groaned and hit his head on he locker before digging in his bag for a pack.

Jared watched as Connor dug around and felt it. He took his hand out and patted his pocket for his lighter before staring back at Jared. He walked without a word.

"Wait! Connor?" Jared spun on his heels and looked over at Connor with frantic energy. He didn't know what to say after that.
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