The Smoke From His Lips

30

Connor sat mostly on Jared's lap as they watched TV at the Murphy's house, mindlessly watching stupid reality shows like Botched, Wife Swap, My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding and so on. It was almost freeing feeling to be so close and snuggle while knowing they're both thinking in a romantic sense. Nothing can be passed off as platonic now. It was honest and true, heart to heart.

Jared wrapped his arms around Connors waist loosely, wanting nothing more but to just hug him close and not let go. It was recent that they got together and he felt so many more butterflies than when they were just friends and he was just crushing over Connor. Connor leaned back and put his head on Jared's shoulder, face turning to thump his forehead on Jared's cheek. "I feel like shit right now, I hate it. We jus' got together 'nd my brain's still fuckin' itself with a horse dildo," he groaned to Jared, breathing sort of uneven from what Jared could tell. He frowned softly and held Connor tighter.

"Connor," Jared sighed sadly, moving his hand to rub circles on Connor's chest, "it's alright. Feeling like shit doesn't just stop all a sudden, it takes some time. I don't know how long that time takes, but it's coming. You gotta wait for it... granted, I still wait for it too. It comes and goes I guess."

Connor nodded slowly. It was a weird moment in his mind, like the moment he realized he doesn't know too too much about what Jared really struggled with. He felt almost selfish then and there. He shouldn't be upset and not notice Jared needs help. His mind told him to get his shit together and ignore his own problems for once and focus on Jared. It made him shitty feeling in a separate way, adding onto the shitty feeling in the other way. It was a lot of shitty. So much shitty. "Have you been okay lately?" Connor mumbled quietly, loud enough that Jared could hear given that they were so physically close. He really did worry. He knew Jared had stuff going on in his head but he never really knew what was when. Jared didn't respond to his question, so he assumed it must've been a bad answer pent up in him. "You can tell me, please. I worry, I wan' help somehow."

Jared shrugged loosely and leaned into Connor more, his cheek smushing onto the top of Connors head. "You shouldn't worry too much Connor, worrying doesn't help your brain much that I know of."

"It doesn't stop me from worrying."

"I know. I'm just saying."

"Can you tell me?"

Jared bit his lip and paused. "Nobody really ever wants to know about me though, I don't talk much about that deep stuff to people outside my Hansen-family." Ah yes, the two families.

Connor hesitated. He never heard him say that before, was that a new thing? He was confused and then started wondering if Jared and Evan were actually brothers, like steps or something. "Hansen-family?"

Jared paused for a moment, unsure and hesitant. "Yeah. Evan and Heidi are like my family. The Kleinman-family isn't, well, the best family I guess. I grew up with Evan mostly, not so much my own family, y'feel?" Connor hesitated and nodded slowly. He didn't grow up much with his own family. He was involved but just, well, not as much and not as well as Zoe did. He understood to a degree of it. "I count him as a brother more than I count my own."

"You have a brother?" Connor glanced to him and cocked his head slightly.

"Yeah. Nolan Kleinman; sweet kid, not a close bond kid though. We didn't really make a connection," Jared mumbled and shrugged. "It doesn't matter much."

Connor didn't really know how to get his words together. He played with his nails and scratched his palms. "Just, please tell me when you're ready, if there's anything deeper going on."

Jared only nodded. He didn't really want Connor to know, it made him feel pathetic to have that out there.
~

This took so fucking long hi sorry

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