The Smoke From His Lips

29

The day after, Connor slowly woke up while Jared still slept. It took a moment for Connor to completely get focused and aware of where he was, the warmth and comfort didn't help him any with that. It was so comfortable that he kept his eyes shut. He felt safe, and even though he had one blanket on, it seemed like a good fifty on him. It felt secure, like nothing could hurt him when he was like that. He started to wake fully up, feeling a body behind him, arms wrapped around him tightly, hand on his chest and grip pulling him close. He glanced back and saw a blurry bit of Jared's hair from the way his forehead rested in the crook of his neck.

It took a moment for it all the settle in. Jared was spooning him? Connor rolled his head in a way to give more Jared to rest his head on his neck. Jared was asleep when he adjusted, pulling Connor closer, Connor now feeling Jared's breath on his skin, humming quietly at the feeling. Shit, he thought. Only if he was more than just a friend to Jared. Even the thought of it made Connors heart do a tiny thump. He gently pushed himsel back and further against Jared, feeling his heartbeat on his back. He didn't want Jared to wake up. He gently closed his eyes, taking deep breaths easily from how relaxed he was.

Jared woke up with a small groan and a yawn. He looked over at Connor. "Connor? You awake?" He whispered quietly. Connor didn't respond. Maybe if he was seemingly asleep, he could stay spooned with Jared. He hoped. After a small pause of silence, Jared laid back down fully and weaved their legs closer and tighter together, pressing Connors waist and hips closer to his body for full contact.

Fun fact about Jared, and Evan can testify: he likes to talk "to people" when they're still asleep. Just little whispers, little compliments, just to keep his mind active and not spinning in a downward spiral from nothing to distract himself with.

Jared rubbed his thumb in circles over Connors chest. "Shit, I love you Connor..." he whispered, in fact, barely a whisper. "I want to make you happy one day— I goddamn love it when you smile and giggle and roll your eyes at me. I know you're asleep, you can't hear me, but fuck, I feel like a schoolgirl in love." Oh god, Connor didn't know how he could still pretend to sleep. He slowly opened his eyes, having gone red to his ears. He hummed quietly and yawned slightly, which was natural coming. He turned his head and wiggled to see Jared's face. He slowly went completely flushed red with embarrassment as he looked at Connor. "... When did you wake up?" He hesitated, voice almost cracking from being so flustered and anxious.

Connor tucked hair behind his ear sheepishly. "Before you did."

Jared froze and felt his palms get sweaty. He was never good with relationships and admitting feelings, he was essentially, as he would put it in a non-bigoted connotation to it, socially and emotionally retarded.

"Do you mean all that?" Connor hesitated, biting his lip nervously. Maybe it was a sick joke somehow. Or Jared didn't mean romantically, which wasn't likely by his phrasing, but Connor was frantic in his own brain and it didn't work very fast in the rational thinking department.

Jared slowly nodded, shyly sitting up and looking at his hands as he tugged hangnails. Connor adjusted and sat in front of Jared, unsure what he would say and that made him more anxious about it all. "I mean it. I... had a crush on you for a while, I'm so fucking sorry I probably made things weird, it's okay if you don't wanna be near me I understand," he managed to mumble to Connor, grabbing his glasses and hoping the glare would hide the tears that started to form in his eyes. Goddammit, he hated being an emotional bitch.

Connor instinctively grabbing Jared's sleeve I keep him from leaving. Words weren't working. He was depressed, barely functioning and now in shock because Jared just admitted something that Connor always dreamed of. It was surreal. More than. It was like a trip for Connor.

Jared looked at him with a glance and a look that gave so many emotions at once it looked like Jared was about to combust from pure emotional overdrive.

"Jared," Connor mumbled quietly, "don't leave. I wanna be near you. I never wanna not be near you. I... yeah. I... what you said. I feel what you said. Earlier. When I had my eyes closed." He was so awkward and sheepish, cheeks gone pink as he stiffly rubbed the back of his neck and looked down. "Fuck, I'm never good with words, I'm sorry."

"No, no I think I get the idea," Jared reassures Connor gently. "So... do you love me, like... romantically? Do you... feel the same?" He asked hopefully, like a little kid trying to find discrete ways to get his mom to let him eat desert before dinner.

Connor gingerly nodded, smiling sheepishly and shifting his weight. Jared slowly smiled, his smile growing the more he thought of it.

"Could we maybe," Jared nervously mumbled, biting dead skin on his lips while he spoke, "like, yknow. Maybe be, uh, boyfriend and boyfriend?" Jared could swear on his life he's never seen Connor smile that much during a shit episode. It wasn't like a huge bright smile, but a small and loving one, evenbwith tears in his eyes. He nodded quickly and rubbed his eyes hard, leaning into Jared. Jared wrapped his arms around Connor tight and held him close to his chest. "You don't even know how long I've been waiting to finally get the guts to ask you out," Jared chuckled sheepishly.
~

Boys are in love

Connors still in a shit mental place, love don't fix shit right off the bat like that, he's just more comfortable knowing Jared loves him back in that way and knowing he has Jared as a support and love

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