The Smoke From His Lips

19

Jared called Evan up on his cellphone while he walked home after staying the night at Connors. He was exhausted since both pretty much didn't sleep at all and instead just watched stupid movies and conspiracy theories. Connor did fall asleep though, and Jared watched him occasionally as his mind wandered with worry.

Three rings. "Jared? Jared, just come over you have our key and I hate phone calls—"

"I'm worried about Connor," Jared stated suddenly. His voice was abnormally serious. Like the pep in his step was gone. He was too tired to lift his tone.

Evan fell silent. He hated phones, it made him so anxious. "Hurry up over. Phones are stupid and I can't focus on the phones it's stupid I'm stupid I know that all too well just come ov—"

"Comfort hoodie," Jared sighed, "get a comfort hoodie ready because I'm gonna break down or crash."

"Will do. Anything else?"

"Coffee cake bites. And if you can, French vanilla coffee with extra sugar. I'll see you in three minutes tops." He hung up. He looked at his blank black phone screen and sighed slightly. He loved Connor in a way he couldn't find words for. It was fucked up. He ignored it all the night when Connor was awake but fuck, once he was asleep there wasn't something fully grabbing his focus. His mind drifted easily and started to echo Connors words from earlier. About hurting. About addiction. About nicotine and being fucked up. It swirled and just left Jared restless. He was almost obsessive trying to figure out exacts of what Connor meant.

He unlocked the Hansen house's door with his key and kicked his shoes off. He made sure to relock it behind him before he walked to the living room and let himself lean into Evan. "I wanna puke," Jared groaned quietly. Evan pushed Jared's head up and pulled a hoodie on over Jared's head. Jared pulled it on all the way and hugged his arms around his torso, enjoying the warmth and smell of Evans hoodie. It was Jared's honorary comfort hoodie— the worn down "life is good" grey hoodie that frayed from being used so often. It was even big on Jared, though Evan was skinnier. Well, Evan was also taller than him, so that probably explained the size difference between hoodies. "... Life isn't good. Not like this. Evan, I wanna puke with worry and I don't even have that bad of anxiety! My dose is low and it helps a lot and I haven't felt this anxious since freshman year and—"

"Jared," Evan mumbled quietly and soothingly, "take a deep breath, I'm gonna get you your feel better snacks and a coffee. Wanna put a tiny piece of wood in the fire place? I can light it, hopefully... I mean I haven't like, ever lit it before but there's room to try new things I guess? I might burn myself but it's not like I'll die or anything, it'll just burn—obviously... fuck, goddamn fuck I'm rambling, I'm sorry, shit I'm sorry this probably isn't helping at all."

"Ramble away lil bud, it gets my mind off some stuff." Jared shrugged. He tossed a piece of spare wood into the tiny fireplace. It was getting a bit drafty in the house, and Evan didn't like using the heater. He only turned it on last minute to avoid the bills going up. He had a fireplace to use and a portable heater in his room that runs on battery. "I'll get it lit, don't worry about it."

Evan sighed slightly with a bit of relief. "Thank you, jeez I'm sorry you have to do that because I'm a little wimp—"

"Kid, don't say that. You're not a wimp."

"Why do you even call me kid?" Evan glances over as he stirred sugar into Jared's coffee. "I'm older than you. You're barely even able to be in senior year, you're a cut off kid."

"Yknow, when I say don't call me a cut off kid I typically do mean it, but you're lucky you're my baby brother."

"Not baby, technically older brother that's just a wimp." Evan walked in with a small plate with Jared's coffee cake bites and his mug of coffee. Jared lit the fire quickly and set the plate on the floor in front of him.

"Do you have a Red Bull?" Jared asked and rubbed his tiredass eyes. He slid his glasses off and closed his eyes.

"How about you nap? You look beyond tired," Evan mumbled softly and worriedly. Jared just shrugged and sighed.

It took Jared a while to find words to say. In his tired mind everything just swirled together and clumped up in his throat. He ended up blurting quickly, "Do you think Connor self harms?" It went silent between the two again, almost like the air even stilled. Jared looked down shakily and let out a quiet cry. "I'm sorry, that was sudden and totally uncalled for and an upsetting topic I'll shut my mouth."

Evan just shifted slightly and uneasily. "You'll have to ask him that yourself, I don't even have any guesses. I... hope not."

"I hope not too," Jared whispered thinly, voice on the verge of breaking. "... I'm just going to take a nap. I wanna wake up and feel better and clear."

Evan nodded and grabbed a blanket, waiting for Jared to lay down on the couch before he tossed it over him. "Sleep tight, Jared." Jared hummed as a reply and curled up, flipping his hood up and facing the cushions on the back.
~

Sadness

Poor Jared, he's confused and worried sick about his gay crush that he won't admit is his gay crush
Also this is written in class

Yeet

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