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Alone Into The Darkness - ChildOfChaos714

Please remember that even though this may seem harsh, I am only trying to help you improve your writing. And i would like to see you take some of this feedback, and use it because i have put my time and effort into it. Here is your review ChildOfChaos714

Title: I don't hate the title, but I feel like you could do something better with it. The title at the moment is “Alone Into The Darkness” but think does it really describe what happens in the book? Is Cassandra really alone in the darkness? Does it have any symbolic meaning? Take my book The Secret Sisters for example, the title reflects on things that happen in the stories. Their identities are a secret to them, they will uncover lots of secrets during the story, and they don't know they are sisters until a while after  they meet. So your title could be “Cassandra, the walker of the realms”  or “Cassandra, the protector of the realms”,  since she can teleport from realms/worlds and in the story she kills a bunch of monsters, so maybe something on the lines of that. Overall I would give you a 6/10 for title.

Cover: I feel like you could have done more with the cover, there are hundreds of cover makes on wattpad, including me if you want me to make you one. At the moment i feel like it's just a picture from the internet with words on it. Its fairly basic. I'm not saying having basic covers is bad, just that their are so many more options of covers out there for your story. Especially since you've created such a wonderful story. I would give you a 6/10 for your cover.

Blurb: well I quite like the blurb, you've supplied small bits of information about the main character, and you've used rhetorical questions which will generally draw people in. But as a pet hate I don't like it when stories say “read to find out” or something along those lines. That puts me off and generally I wont read the story unless the blurb is amazing. I would put a bit more in about other things like, her friends and that she is an assassin of sorts, but otherwise I'm loving the blurb. I'll Give you a 9/10 for that.

Plot/Storyline: I love where you are going with the plot. I'm not the biggest fan of the Percy Jackson series, but your plot is going really well!! It left me on the edge of my seat after each chapter. Though I think you could do a bit more about the plot, because sometimes during the chapter it didn't captivate my attention entirely. that I will give you a 8.5/10

Characters: your characters are really good. They all have interesting personalities but I think you could tell us more about them. And explore their personalities more, because as a reader we don't know what you are thinking, we can only guess. But we can get the gist of what your trying to make they're personalities like. also really cool names (I love the name Dagger). So for that you'll get and 8/10 for characters.

Setting: I really like the locations  you've decided to set your story,  but i think you need to describe the places more, what the characters think about the place, and create that vivid image in your mind so that the readers can see what your imagining this place to look like. So just expand on all the places your writing about. Not everyone has read Percy Jackson, so how will they know what Camp-half blood looks like? You need to show that to us.Overall I'll Give your setting 7/10

Grammar: your grammar and punctuation is really good. But you need more paragraphs. Sometimes there's this whole chunk of writing and you need to separate it. On wattpad I usually try to aim for paragraphs to take up ½ to ⅔ of the page. Also when someone speaks or you use dialogue in your story you need to separate it so it would be like this:
Harry looked at Ron and Hermione,

“Run” he bellowed.

Ron and Hermione sprinted away from the dementors.

Not like this:
Harry looked at Ron and Hermione “Run” he bellowed. Ron and Hermione sprinted away from the dementors.

But otherwise i'm happy with your grammar so I'll give you a 8.5/10

Overall your score was:  53/70

General feedback: I really enjoyed reading your story looking past not having decent sized paragraphs, and your dialogue. The plot was great, and I would definitely read more once you've fixed up those small errors. I would also change the length of the flashbacks, because at one time i came out of a flashback, and then went back into one again 2 lines later. So i would advise cutting down on the flashbacks, or  writing more in between them. And another pet hate; when someone does a little author's note in the middle of a paragraph. You either do a authors note at the beginning or end or both. Not in the middle. also people do judge books by its cover so, getting a new cover would be a great idea! I really liked this story otherwise and would read it.

Please remember if you have any problems with this review let me know privately. I am usually avaliable if you want help with your work. And feel free to message me about anything, even if it isn'tabout your story. I hope to see you again soon!!