Raven Book Reviews |CLOSED FOR CATCHUP|

A Spiral of Thought - Unmisted236

Please remember that I do put my time and effort this and would greatly appreciate it if you used my feedback. If you have any problems with your review please pm me unmisted236

Title: your title suits your story pretty well, it describes what happens in the story, but I think you could make the title, “Spiral Of  Thoughts” it sounds better than “a spiral of thought”. So for that a 9/10.

Cover: I'm not really sure why you would make your cover a rose at the moment. Or why it's pink, so if nothing happens in the story to do with a rose then I would recommend changing it. Why is the cover pink? I would think that having darker colours on your cover would convey the story better. It's about her wanting to die so if people see a cover that's pink with a rose on it they aren't going to think that's what the story is about. Your cover doesn't match the story. So I'll have to give you a 3/10.

Blurb: your blurb at the moment is “thoughts can be haunting. And here's why” as you know a pet hate is when someone on their blurb is like “here's why.” or “read to find out” it puts me off. Yes, it is clear in the story that thoughts can be haunting but be more specific. Are people going to read a book with a one-line blurb? Put more in it. I'm not saying shirt blurbs are bad, but if you want to do one make it more descriptive other than “thoughts can be haunting” describe what will happen in the story. I'm not very happy with the blurb so it'll be a 2/10

Plot: the plot isn't my favourite. It's a bit tedious and just repeating the same things over and over again. It's all about her wanting to die. And thoughts about wanting death. Make something interesting happen. Because as a reader after two or three chapters of that, it will get boring and tedious. So change it up. Maybe give her a love interest or something. If you are going to do that, do it sooner. People are going to stop reading after the first few chapters if it's all the same. It's not a bad plot, just move it along. I'm going to have to give you a 4/10 for your plot.

Characters: okay so far there is one character and all we know about her is that she wants to die and commit suicide and harm herself. There isn't much else to say. Give the readers more insight on her personality and thoughts other than her wanting to kill herself. You have to describe her more. We don't even know what she looks like. I get that you're trying to keep things a secret but does it hurt to say something about her looks? The audience knows practically nothing about her. I'm going to have to give you a 4/10 on the character

Setting: most of the time I'm really confused about where she is. you need to define where she is and describe her surroundings. Like is she in her bedroom? Where in school is she?  Readers can't see what your thinking so you need to show that to us. Instead if saying. She walked through the forest. You could say; she walked through the first, it was dark, she could barely see a thing and everytime her arm brushed against a tree or shrub of sorts she would jump. You have to describe the location. For that, it's a 3/10

Grammar: your grammar is pretty good. There is a lot of thoughts though so be careful not to overdo it. Your punctuation is great as far as I can see. Great job, that's a 9/10 for grammar

Your overall score was 34/70

General feedback: okay so it was a bit boring, tedious and repetitive. But if you just keep the story moving, and stop going on and on about her wanting to commit suicide and wanting to die, and give it a bit of a plot twist, it would be an amazing story. That said you should probably find a more suiting cover. I can make covers and so can hundreds of other people on wattpad. So just get one from them. You do need to change the blurb so that it entices people to read it. But other than that good job!! Even though your score may be low, everyone has to start somewhere. And good job for even posting something anyway, it takes a lot of courage to do that!!

Remember to pm me if you have any problems, but otherwise I hope to see more of your work!!