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The Harlow - Millie996

Okay before I even start - I'm so sorry that this took so long, and even though i dont want to make an excuse becaise its unnaceptable for me to say itll be done in approx 2 weeks and take 3 months (probably more) to get round to it.

Please remember that even though this may seem harsh, I am only trying to help you improve your writing. And i would like to see you take some of this feedback, and use it because i have put my time and effort into it. Here is your review Millie996

Title: the title is definitely unique. But i feel like it doesn't really make much sense until the sixth chapter where "harlow" is mentioned, unless i skipped over it beforehand. But if im right then you aren't getting the most out of your story ad you could be getting. Like if "the harlow" isn't mentioned in the first chapter, and the first chapter is at such a slow pace, then you will lose so many of your readers. But otherwise harlow is a great title, njist bring the theme of "the harlow" in earlier. 8/10

Cover: okay your cover isn't exactly great. It looks like a low quality image with words on it. Your title could be so much more, and I know there's tons of cover makers out on wattpad, and it's not hard to request a cover. Often it's just request the cover and follow the author or something. At the moment it's just a person with words, like sure the words need to be there, but the rest needs to be more related to the story. But your cover has to have something to do with the story like fire, or witches, or even the "tattoo" on her. Just something that relates to the story more. 4/10

Blurb: okay you're blurb isn't the worst ive seen. But it could definitely be better. Since i review most the blurb before i read the story, it could definitely catch my attention a lot more. I love the first "section" of the blurb, but the second part could be changed. Like don't you think "Yes. I'm the granddaughter of the witch they couldn't burn" sounds better? I also would make it a bit longer to give the audience some more info on what the story will be about. Like we need some more context with it. Introduce another character? Tell us more about this main character. It just needs something else added to it. Overall 6/10

Plot: It's a very slow moving story. And that's not a bad thing, but you need to keep it flowing. Since this is a wattpad book, not a published book something exciting needs to happen in every single chapter, because readers lose interest quickly. On wattpad there are so many options, and people don't want to read 10 pages of you describing a bedroom, they want action, they want plot twists, they want to scream and laugh and throw their device across the room. So for me since I like faster paced books i started skim reading through the second chapter and onwards, it was just so much description and not enough moving the story forward. So if an event doesn't move the story forward, or help character development or anything, just don't add it. It tires out and bores the reader. But as I got further in, it just started to move to fast, and events that occurred just weren't very realistic (like she knew a guy for an hour and then had a flashback into a past life then decides to kiss him again?). Anyway just watch if the events are realistic and how fast they occur. 5/10

Characters: okay so great job, you've told us what they look like, but you could do it in a way more subtle way than just straight out saying it. Like instead of saying "my eyes reflected the colour of the ocean" you could say, "my ocean green/blue eyes sparkled with mischief" or something. So add like an action or a feeling with it so you aren't just straight out saying, "my eyes are an ocean blue, i have long curled hair" that's so much more boring than it needs to be. I feel like we could delve so much more into their personalities as well, like you should be seeing her personality a lot in the first chapter to give the readers an idea about what they're going to be reading about  who they are going to be reading about. Overall 5/10

Setting: okay so when you do say where she is, it's really well described, even over described at times. But some of the time im super confused at where she is and what's happening. This is really common amongst everybody, but you need to remember that the audience can't read your mind, you need to show them. Remember show, not tell! Otherwise Great job most of the time! 7/10

Grammar: you could definitely use a bit of work on your grammar/spelling. Like at one point you wrote "univercity" instead of "university" so just go through it really carefully (or get a friend/family member or even a complete rando to read it) to just cut out silly mistakes! 7/10

Your overall score was 42/70

General feedback: So i feel like you're sorta over explaining things sometimes. So just tone down on that, you don't need to spend like 10 pages describing what a room looks like. Just state the basic facts and add an action/emotion. Another thing (I wasn't really sure what to put it under) is how people speak. Like if you're talking to someone will they say "I will" or "I'll" so pretend it's you speaking, you're going to shorten words like that right? Also nitpicking here but it"s "christian and I" not "me and christian" its not a big deal, because people do talk like that, but some people are grammar freaks and speak properly so… You could also just definitely reword some things. Like some of it could  be written in a much easier way for readers to understand. Remember its a great achievement to even post your writing online! overall great job just remember less description and keep the story moving!

Please remember if you have any problems with your review please message me privately. But otherwise great job, I can't wait to see more!!