Caramel Popcorn

Tomato 01/26/19

Dear Tomato Mafia,

I've been at Carmen's house for the last two days because I don't want to be alone. I told her that my mom was in the hospital and she refused to let me stay in an empty house. It's been fun and distracting during the day with school and Nina, but after everyone goes to bed I lay on the couch and cry silently.

I'm not sure why. I can't pinpoint a specific reason. I know one of them has to be Mom but other than that I think it's just the stress of finally realizing I'll have no one but myself soon.

I have to go, Carmen just came in. We're making tacos.

LOL- Spence

I help her put the bags down on the counter despite her protests. I put away the groceries and get out pans for the meat. She starts cooking while I chop the vegetables. Nina comes in and watches us, occasionally cracking jokes or telling us about her day. James watches from the living room in between doing his crossword puzzles. When we finish we let them make plates first before making ours and sitting in the kitchen to eat. The kids go into the living room to give us space.

I sit across from Carmen, my back against the oven door. She sits crosslegged eating slowly. "You did pretty good."

"All I did was cut the lettuce and tomato," I take a bite. "You did good."

"I meant with everything happening so far. It must be pretty stressful to do this alone," I nod at her, swallowing a mouthful. She continues, "I had Nina and James to worry about while my mom was out doing God knows what. It made it a little easier. Having something to focus on."

"This may be really biased, but you're doing fantastic raising them alone. No one asked you to, yet you took control and gave them a better life," I put my plate beside me to focus on the conversation.

She nods, not meeting my eye. "It's hard. I wouldn't have it any other way though. The way I think of it, they could be out there where you found me. I don't want that for them."

"I don't think they'll ever know that thanks to you."

She raises her hand to wipe her face before looking up at me. I put on a smile when I realize she's crying. I don't want her to feel any negativity in this vulnerable moment. "God. I haven't cried in years."

I chuckle and abandon my food to sit beside her, pulling the older woman into my arms. "It's okay."

She wipes her eyes again and moves back a little, not leaving my arms though. She looks into my green eyes with something unrecognizable. I stop breathing for a second, anticipation overwhelming me. Finally, she moves. I realize a second later it's away from me. I get up after her, taking my plate with me. She throws the styrofoam away and joins her siblings on the couch. I finish eating then sit on the floor by the coffee table. Nina shakes her head and pats the space between her and James. "C'mon Spence."