Understanding Simple (Chanyeol X Reader)

Chapter 61

A/N Hello people! Sorry I've been away for so long. I've been working on publishing a novel and a children's book on Amazon, so I've been very busy with that (and all the other things going on in my life) This book is almost done, only a few more chapters. I will hopefully be posting more regularly until it is finished, so I hope you like it! I love you all and hope you enjoy reading!!! ❤️❤️❤️

(Y/n) POV

I walk into our apartment, the silence of the house ringing in my ears.

"Chanyeol?" I call out, dropping my bag by the door. But there's no answer. I walk up the steps, still feeling a little pain in my abdomen.

I notice our door closed, and I walk to it, knocking on it slightly.

"Are you okay?" I murmur, trying to hold in my own tears.

I creak the door open, looking into the dark room—the shades are pulled together, letting no light in the room.

I see Chanyeol wrapped up in the blankets on our bed, choked sobs coming from his figure. I walk to him, laying down beside him. I wrap my arms around his waist as he cries.

"I'm sorry, (y/n), I'm so sorry..." Chanyeol chokes.

"Chanyeol, don't say that, it's not your fault..." I say.

He turns to me, "(y/n), yes it is! Yes it is! I'M the one who has the p-problem! I'M the one who can't g-give you a ch-child!"

I wipe his hair out of his red, puffy eyes. I don't know what to say.

I pause, "...Chanyeol, there are so many other options..."

"(Y/n), d-don't you understand what this m-means? We c-cant have our own ch-child! Our own..." he cries, his voice fading off.

I place my hand on his face, tears flowing from my eyes. He squeezes his eyes shut, looking as if he's in pain.

"I don't understand how I can miss someone so much...who I haven't even met..." he sobs.

My heart shatters.

I wrap my arms around him tightly, his head resting in the crook of my neck. I feel his hot tears on my skin as he weeps, and I can't help but run my fingers through his hair.

After a while, his crying dies down, and I know that he is asleep. So, I close my eyes and wait until the darkness numbs the pain.

Time skip brought to you by Kai's crop top

My eyes flutter open, I notice that I am alone in bed. I get up and walk downstairs, trying to find Chanyeol. I spot him in the kitchen, leaning over the sink, staring blankly out the window.

"Hey," I say simply, grabbing his forearm gently.

He snaps out of his trance, "hey..." he returns, his voice raspy from crying.

There is an awkward silence as I try to figure out what he is thinking, but I can't read his blank expression.

"I'm going to make some tea, do you want some?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"No," he says simply, "I'm going to the gym."

My eyebrows furrow, "have you even eaten?"

He doesn't answer me, but walks to the door, grabbing his gym bag from beside the couch.

"I'm going to schedule an appointment for us today," I call out before he closes the door.

I sigh, placing a kettle on the stove.

Give him some space, (y/n), he's going through a lot, I say to myself.

But that's even more reason for us to stand together... I counter myself.

I watch as the steam filters out of the nozzle, making a high-pitched sound. I pour my cup and take a seat on the couch, wondering when he'll be back, and where he even went.

Chanyeol's POV

I sit down in the grass. I haven't been here since the last time with (y/n). I've missed the lake.

Guilt and hatred permeates my mind every second, drowning me in the thoughts of reality—that I am not good enough, and I never will be.

There is something wrong with me that I can't fix. No amount of practicing, or prepping, or hard work can change it. It's unchangeable.

I grab a rock from the edge of the woods and chuck it into the water with all of my might. Anger begins to boil up inside me and I pick up more, throwing one after the other. My arm swings over and over, stretching out the muscles with each throw. Somehow, every time I throw a rock, a little bit of anger goes away...but it would take a million times to even drop an inch from boiling over.

I drop to the ground, sick of throwing useless things into the lake. Sobs take over my body and I grab at my hair, pulling on it as hard as I can, trying to ease the pain in my chest.

I hear a branch crack behind me. I sit up and turn around quickly seeing her emerge from the tree trunks.

"(Y/n), how did you know I was here?" I ask, wiping at my eyes.

"I know you too well," she says, a small smile forming on her lips.

She grabs my hand, leading me to the edge of the lake. She sits beside me, her hands sitting flat on her lap as she looks out to the lake. I can't stop looking at her, wondering what she is thinking, wondering how her face looks so peaceful.

"Do you remember the first time you brought me here? You asked me why I loved slow songs...and I think I forgot to say something," she says.

I look at her oddly, wondering what she means by this.

"I don't think I can hear the emotions. I can feel them. The singer relives the pain they've once had and pours it out into their voices. I can see the emotion. As tears roll down their cheeks, and their voices crack, I can see it. But there's something beautiful about it. When you're able to break down all of the barriers, and accept the pain you've endured, is when you can truly understand why it is there—the collateral beauty of it all. How our relationship has formed, and where we have been and what we will do. Who we have known...and who we may never know. Either way, it is apart of our lives, and there is no way we can change it. Of course it will hurt, and it may never get better, but we can appreciate the other things in our lives. We have our friends and family who love us, and most of all we have each other. That day we laid here together, you said that you could tell me anything...don't be afraid to show your pain, Chanyeol. Either way I will love you...that is something unchangeable."

I lower my head, unable to form any words. I sniffle, letting the tears roll down my face. My lungs open up and I lean on her.

"(Y/n), it hurts so badly..." I manage to say.

She strokes my hair gently, sobs escaping her lips, "I know...I know..."

She holds me in her arms as we look out on the ripples of the lake, the sun descending in the sky, as our tears fill up the ground beneath us.