Understanding Simple (Chanyeol X Reader)

Chapter 62

It's been a week since Chanyeol and I's outing to the lake. He's been quiet, only shuffling around the house, speaking a few words to me before leaving to the company. I've never hated silence more than now.

I woke up early this morning,  leaving a note for Chanyeol on the counter telling him that I am going for a walk. I throw on a large sweater over my black t-shirt and leggings, grab my keys and head out the door.

The morning air is crisp and dewy, the city of Seoul beginning to wake up more and more with each passing minute. Taxis and buses pass by as I head South toward the only park I am familiar with. I don't know why I feel the need to go back to a place that reminds me of pain, but I feel like something is there. Something that my soul shouldn't forget.

The park is dark, still illuminated by the dull street lamps as the sky brightens into a light pink cascading into a deep purple. Small rays of light begin to shoot through the trees and I wipe my runny nose as my cold breath creates a cloud of condensation in front of me.

To my surprise, there are a few people in the park--a man walking his dog, and two women jogging along the upper path together. I search the area, an irreplaceable feeling of chill running through my body: chill that isn't from the cold.

That's when I see it.  The bench.

I can see myself sitting there, covered in goosebumps wearing a skimpy dress. Chanyeol was there too, apologizing for almost hitting me. I will never forget the look in his eyes. How he truly wanted to hurt me...just like how I hurt him.

I walk over to the bench and hesitate before sitting down in that same spot. I feel it creak from underneath me, and a wave of emotions rolls through my body. That was a long time ago, so much has happened since then: so much happiness, but yet, so much pain; a single tear rolls down my cheek.

"Is this seat taken?"

I am startled by the intruder, looking up to see only an elderly man, sporting a large black coat and winter hat.

I wipe my face clean, stumbling over myself, "n-no, please have a seat."

The man settles himself beside me, holding his hands in his pockets with a soft smile on his face. He reminded me of someone, but I just couldn't seem to put my finger on it.

"It is such a blessing to be able to watch the sunrise, don't you think, (y/n)?" he says calmly.

The way he said my name made me think he had said it a thousand times, like he was so comfortable knowing my existence.

"How do you know my name?" I ask, wondering why I do not feel fear of this strange man who knows my name.

"However, it is only enjoyable if you chose to look at it."

I decide not to press further and turn forward. For as long as I had been sitting here, I never thought to look up until now. In front of me sat an open field, and the sun reaching up over the horizon, her arms touching each and every sparkling dewdrop. The sky, once dull and dark, now exploded with color; the scattered clouds dancing across the sky in hues of peach and blue. I had never seen anything like it.

"Why are you here, (y/n)? What did you come to discover?" The man suddenly asks.

"Well, I came here on a walk this morning," I state plainly, not wanting to go into detail.

"No, not just a walk. A discovery, (y/n). What did you come here to find?"

I turn my head to see the man looking at me. He wasn't smiling but there was light in his eyes. It was as if the joy never left his face.

"I'm lost...I guess I came here to find something. To find my way back...something terrible has happened to my husband and I. He's lost, and I feel I'm starting to lose him too...and myself. I thought that maybe if I come back to a place like this; one that has a painful memory; I could reconnect with something. Find a way to make the pain go away."

The man looks at me for a moment, studying my face, "true pain never goes away," he states, "it only subsides, it only weakens. If you want to get rid of pain, it's not focusing on the pain." The man stands, pulling out a small, leather journal from his pocket and handing it to me, "You said you came back to this place, one that has a painful memory. Well think back to that memory, but this time...focus on the good. Change your perspective, change your path."

I looked down at the journal he had given me. It was bound with leather string and tied into a neat bow in the front.

"But what if-" as I look up, the man in gone. I didn't even see him walking away. Instead of focusing on that, I decide to focus on what he said. Think back to the memory but look for the good.

I close my eyes, the inside of my eyelids a warm red from the rising sun. I let out a long breath and think back to that night. I remember the shoes I was wearing, how the heels were hurting my ankles. I push that thought away and continue on.

I remember Chanyeol yelling my name, his voice raspy through the cold. I push that one away.

I remember the cold tears on my face as he begged for forgiveness. I push it away.

My voice begins to fill with these thoughts, of all the yelling, all the looks. It almost becomes deafening until I hear a singular note ring through my head.

I open my eyes and I am back. My body feels numb and all I can feel is the note Chanyeol began humming in front of me. I look up at him, seeing tears running down his face. He's singing. On that night he sang to me; the numbness becomes a warm feeling in my heart until I grab onto my chest, allowing the warmth to spread to my body.

I close my eyes, letting the song fill my lungs. Letting it run through my bloodstream until every part of me is filled.

When it's finished, I open my eyes to once again see the sun reaching over the field. I smile.

Although there's tears running down my face, I smile, I laugh.

That memory that was so horrible to me had a completely different ending. There was healing. There was music.

I take up the leather journal and walk home.