Trying to live

Right?

-next day -

Katniss' POV:

I wake up with my head on Peeta's chest as per usual. He's snoring lightly like always and his arms are wrapped tightly around me. I smile a bit yet then feeling the need to throw up, I slowly move from his grip and run to the bathroom. I hear light steps come to me and I manage to get out: "Peet, I'm fine," but then I feel a small hand pulling hair away from my face. As I finish, I look into Willow's beautiful eyes. 

"Mum, what's going on? I know you're not okay, otherwise, there wouldn't have been the need to go to the doctor and get you a billion pills, am I right or am I right?" she says and I let out a small sigh. "You're too little to understand, honey, as are your siblings and-" "Mum, tell me," she demands while cutting me off and I look down.

"Wills, your mummy has an awful stomach ache, and it needs a lot of pills, but she will be okay, don't worry, okay?" Peeta says and picks her up as she nods slowly. "I promise honey," I say, and she hugs Peeta tighter while nodding and smiles eventually. I get up slowly, trying not to fall over and I hug both of them before going to the twins.

After 2 hours the house feels as empty as it was while Peeta was away in the army and I was pregnant with Wills. Now it's pretty much all different, but we still have Annie and Finnick and everyone. While eating breakfast I call her. "Hey honey, how are you?" Annie asks me worriedly and I sigh a bit. "I manage, it isn't the end of the world," I tell her to calm her down. "Wanna come over?" I ask and I can hear her smile more. "Of course babes," she says, "I'll be there in a few, LOVE YOUUUUU! " she shouts and I smile while she ends the call. 

I walk to the living room and pick up an old polaroid and photo album that I have and start looking through it. In all of the pictures, I can see me and Peeta and Finnick and Annie and Cato and Clove and Thresh and Jo and Glimmer and Marvel smiling or laughing or having fun while we were teens. Even Prim and Rue are in the pictures as little kiddos and babies. God, they were so adorable.  

I walk to the mirror and see that my face and the whole body has got a lot skinnier because of cancer. I almost look like a real-life boogieman. Well, boogiewoman, I guess. Huh, it's kind of weird how one thing can affect a person so much. You wouldn't expect something like it to happen to you until it has already happened, I guess.

I hear the door open and close and after a minute, Annie walks into the room with 2 bags full of snacks and our favourite lemonade. "Hey, you look worse than the last time I saw you," Annie says and I chuckle a little. "Thanks, and thanks for coming over with food, it means a lot ya know," I say and we both smile as she hugs me and puts "The Book Club" on. 

"Do you think we will get that old and start having book clubs too?" she asks me, focusing still on the movie and the salted popcorn on the table. I laugh at that. "You can try mentioning having a book club to Jo, she would rather change a diaper 3 times a day than ever read a book through again," I say, and we both laugh at that. 

"We should have a reunion with just the girls too though," Annie points out and I sigh at that. "Annie, you know I'm not ready to talk to others about that yet, besides, the doctor hasn't told me anything that bad either that I should do it immediately. I know it's hard not to tell the others but it's hard for me too, okay? Just, let's leave it to us four right now, please?" I ask her and she sighs and nods. "Okay, but tell me when you're ready to talk to others, okay? I'll help you out, I promise," she tells me while opening a bottle of lemonade and pouring it to the both of us and I smile. "Thank you," I say and we smile. I know, eventually, there will come a time that I will have to tell the girls and guys and kids about what's really going on, but I'm not physically, emotionally or mentally ready for it, so I appreciate Annie keeping it all to herself and Finnick a lot.

The door opens and I immediately grab a blanket to at least somewhat cover my nearly anorexic looking body from Wills as I hear her voice calling me. "Mum! I'm home! Oh, hi auntie Annie!" she giggles as she notices Annie eating popcorn on the sofa with me and runs to her to hug her. I smile as to how adorable she still acts around her as if she's still a little child, barely a toddler. On the inside, I'm thinking though. What if I were to pass, would Peeta find my babies another mum or ask Annie and Finn and the girls for help to raise them?