My Blood: joshler

Chapter Ten: Josh // i would get beat to smithereens

I find I quite enjoy writing about Tyler but I won't pick favourites x

Chapter Ten: Third Person POV

Josh:

There was once a time when Josh was a huge disappointment to everyone, when all people did was shake their heads in his direction and when he retracted so much into his shell, that 'til the present time, he still struggled with coming out of it.

Maybe that was why he had a tattoo on his right wrist that read 2013, the year when his father died. That was the year Josh lost himself. At an early age of seventeen, he began having tattoos with fake licenses, rolling with the wrong people, smoking cigarettes and steering his life towards he wrong direction.

At that point in time, Josh thought he had absolutely nothing to live for. He thought his mother saw him as a useless waste of space and Josh used humour and anger to cover up his pain.

Laura had tried therapy and talking to her son, but he wasn't having it. She heard him at night, crying all of the time and her heart hurt to see her son in so much pain, and so she told him the words. The words that snapped him out of his daze.

“You've gotta pick your self up, Joshua. You can't waste away your life feeling sorry for your self. Your dad died, and that's okay because nothing is permanent, at a point everybody leaves and you're going to have to learn to live with that so it hurts less. You're a beautiful boy, my beautiful boy and seeing you hurt has caused me so much pain, so in the long run, you were selfish, Joshua because you never did think of how your sudden changes would affect, did you? I know you love me, trust me I do, I just want you to show it. And you've gotta stop crying, Joshua. I understand you're hurt but when ever you feel really down, we can talk this out. What if the people in heaven can only pass on when their loved ones forget them and you're holding your father back? I need you to move on, Josh and we'll move out too because of the bad memories. We'll start afresh, how about that?”

And of course, after that it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine but he finally agreed to see a therapist for his problems and talk to his mother whenever he felt down. And slowly but surely, they restored that familiar bond they once had and they did move out, a fresher start. And for some time, they were alone but okay.

Until the Joseph's came along.

And it wasn't necessarily bad, the move. They'd come in three weeks ago and Josh had slowly found a best friend in his brother. The wedding was in a four months and one week so of course they was bustle for preparation.

Maybe that was why Laura didn't notice it was the anniversary of her ex husbands death. Maybe that was why Josh was crying alone in his room, his chest tight and his breathing ragged as he looked through the numerous photographs he had of his father.

He wanted to be alone, he knew that, but he couldn't help but want someone there with him, to comfort him and tell him it was okay. He wanted someone to tell him it was okay. But Josh knew no one should.

On days like these, he had so much pent up sadness and rage and he couldn't help but smash things, hurt himself, or someone else. That's why he was glad no one was home, even his mother who some how managed to calm him down most of the time.

And Josh was crying but he was also smashing a vase and when a large piece of glass fell and skidded towards him, as if daring, begging Josh to use it, he picked it up.

Josh sat on the stairs, rocking himself, clutching the piece of glass so tight, it'd begun to draw blood and he was whispering things to himself. He was saying bad things about himself. . . And that was when Tyler came in.

He didn't knock, he just came in talking, cutting himself off mid sentence, “Hey, Josh, Have you seen my paint pallette? I kind of to- whoa, what's wrong?”and the way he rushed over with concern written all over his eyes, actually made Josh feel loved and so he shook his head, smiling a bit and wiping at his eyes. His bloody glass was still on his hand though.

“N-nothing, ha. And no, I think your pallette was on your bed the last time? Don't know where it is now though” he smiled shakily, stuttering a bit.

And in his balled up position on the top of the stairs, Tyler cleared the glass and sat behind him, and Tyler rocked him slowly in the way his mother used to, “Forget my painting, darling. What's wrong?”

Darling. Darling. Darling.

But Josh didn't know why the simple pet name stirred such a force within him that made his stomach twist. He didn't understand why he felt this way, and it angered him because he'd been feeling it ever since Tyler's came. So Josh dropped the bloody glass for reasons he didn't know.

“I” he began, taking a deep breath “My dad, he, he died today. It makes it three years today since he left” his voice was shaky but he didn't stutter, which meant he was slowly calming down.

And Tyler nodded, because he understood so much why it hurt Josh. Because a figure he thought he'd have forever, a mother figure just up and left him like that and the space that she moved out of in his heart was still there and could never be filled.

“It's okay. It's okay, Josh. You know why?” he asked with a smile and Josh shook his head, so Tyler continued, “Because you're beautiful, you're strong, you're such an amazing person, Joshua. I know that you'll always miss him, and you should. That's entirely healthy. I just want you to know that you are stronger than that hole in your chest and while it's okay to cry, you shouldn't let the hurt get to you. You're okay, Josh. You're okay” he whispered into Josh's blue hair.

Josh took a deep breath and nodded, smiling and leaning into Tyler's back, not aware of the compromising position they were in but aware that it felt good.

“Thank you, Ty.” he spoke gratefully.

“Of course, I'm always here” Tyler smiled.

I'll do anything for you. For you, Josh, I would get beat to smithereens.

“So are we going to clean up that palm and play Resident Evil or what?” Tyler asked with a knowing smile, trying to cheer Josh up.

Josh smiled, eyes shining, and he said,

“Warm up my seat. It's over for those zombies”

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The big ten. Fifteen chapters left since this book is a twenty five day story challenge x