My Blood: joshler

Chapter Eleven: Josh // can't stop thinking about

Chapter Eleven: Third Person POV

Josh:

Suicide Hotline, Tyler Joseph.

That was what Josh had been told by Mia Summers, one of his few friends at the University.

The reason Mia knew about Tyler in the first place was because Josh had been doodling his name all over his notebook during their BIO 101 lesson.

She'd been sitting beside him and noticed her friend wasn't writing much. Well, to her he was a friend.

“Hey, you okay?” she asked quietly, pretending to take notes so the professor wouldn't call them out.

“Yeah” Josh nodded distractedly and that was all they spoke for that period, until the lecture was over and Mia just had to know what was up with Josh. He usually liked school and was eager to take notes.

“Now tell me what's wrong. We've only got one lecture for the day” she prodded, with her brows raised.

“How about when the last class is over we head over to your dorm and I tell you” he offered, not really in the mood for talking.

“Okay” she agreed, shrugging.

And so for the next two hours was the last class. By 4PM, he was done for his lectures for the day. Mia flashed him a knowing look and he didn't even argue as he followed her to her dorm.

The dorms were bigger than most schools, is what Josh liked about it and it was mixed gender, girls and boys. Mia's roommate Ferdinand was currently out with his friends so they had privacy. Mia sat Josh on the bed and said,

“Speak”

Josh didn't need to be told twice.

“Okay so yesterday was my dad deathiversary, you know, and mom was really busy with Chris and everything and she's always there for me on those days so I had no-one and I was crying a bit - okay, a lot. And, I just kind of needed someone there, you know. And then there's was Tyler Joseph and he held me and he rocked me, and” Josh's face was scrunched up in confusion because he was feeling that thing again, just thinking about Tyler.

“So suicide hotline, Tyler Joseph?”she asked and Josh shook his head.

The term suicide hotline to Mia and Josh meant someone who they wanted to be in a romantic relationship with.

“No. No, we're not that close. It was just a one time thing. It had to be a one time thing. God, I just- agh, this is so goddamned frustrating. I'm leaving” he was beating himself up, Mia knew that once Josh behaved liked this, she could never stop him. So she just sighed solemnly.

“Just, don't forget to call me” she reminded and he nodded and left but then, it was when Josh left that Mia allowed herself ask the question that was on the tip of her tongue.

Who's Tyler?

When Josh got home, the lights were off, since his mom and Chris were at work and Tyler had to stay back to tutor a junior.

Josh sighed and dropped his bag by the door, plopping on the chair with a sigh. He'd been stressed the past few weeks. He rested his hands over his eyes and kept thinking about everything and nothing and before he knew it, he fell asleep.

“Joshua? Hey, Josh?” the sound of his mother calling his name and softly tapping him woke him up.

Josh grunted in confusion, shaking his head, and looking at his watch, shocked to find her slept a solid five hours. It was 9PM.

“Mom?” his voice was groggy and tired. He felt like he'd slept only five minutes.

“Hey baby. You okay? You look so tired and stressed. You've got bags under your eyes” Laura asked in concern, coming to sit next to her son on the couch.

Josh arched his back, releasing a series of pops due to sitting in a position for too long.

“Just tired. Can I go back to bed?” he asked.

“Honey, aren't you going to stay for dinner?” concern was dripping in her voice and Chris was standing in the door way of the kitchen as well, watching them.

Laura remembered that it was her husband's death anniversary the day before and she felt immensely guilty for being too busy to notice, leaving her son to his pain when she promised to carry half of it.

“Nah, I'm fine” Josh got up and slowly trudged up the stairs.

The guilt laden on Laura's chest made her feel like crying but she tried to pull herself together. Chris saw that his fiance was down so he went to comfort her.

“Hey, it's okay” he smiled, sitting behind her and bringing her to his chest, playing with her hair.

“I'm a bad person, Chris” she shook her head and tried to hold back the tears.

He kissed the top of her head, “You aren't baby, I promise.”

But Josh wasn't angry at his mother, in as much as she thought he was. He was just really tired and stressed. He blamed it on the exams in two weeks which made the entire university to be jam-packed and rushed. He'd begun to see faces he never even knew were in his course-line.

He passed Tyler's room and saw the boy preparing for dinner, raising his brows when he saw his soon-to-be brother looking so down.

“Hey, aren't you going for dinner?” he asked, voice soft.

Josh forced a smile and shook his head, “I'm good. I'll just go to bed”

“Jishwa, you know I'm always here if you want to talk, right?”

“Jishwa?” Josh asked in amusement, a faint sparkle entering his eyes.

“Yeah, just came to me” Tyler blushed, shaking his head, “You know what, it was stupid. Forget-forget I said it”

“Shut up” Josh said, pulling him into a hug and whispering in the crook of his neck, “I like it.”

Goosebumps ran up and down Tyler's body and he tried not to shiver too much, taking the risk of pulling Josh closer.

And they stayed like that for a long time, until Laura yelled out Tyler's name and Tyler had to go, but not before pressing a discreet kiss to Josh's forehead, hoping he didn't notice.

But Josh did notice and throughout the night, he couldn't stop thinking about it.

|| - //

Can't stop thinking about if and when I die for it. Was listening to Morph when I was writing this chapter. x