Letters from India - Part 2

36. Rajiv Gandhi's Death & Summer Course - May 1991

Acceptance, No Depression

May 10, 1991

Whitefield

Dear Parents.

Divya conveys her namaskars. I am well. On Friday I arrived in Whitefield.

First, I better say that Venkamma is better now, almost to normal. Swami has not told her to leave to Puttaparthi so she called me here. I have gotten a place right inside the compound, in the new hostel for foreigners. It’s very nice, but we can only stay till 15 May because it will be reserved for students participating in the Summer Course starting 20 May. I am much happier here than in empty Puttaparthi.

The two boys who murdered the foreigner in Prasanthi Nilayam escaped from prison. All the Indians said that the police were on their side (they claimed they were sent by the shop owner to get her money), and so allowed them to get away. Who knows where they are now! Scary!

About allergies, even though it’s cold here and I'm still taking cold showers, I have no allergies at all, not even sniffles (surprising for me!). Maybe it was just the cockroach droppings in Venkamma's room!

Although I used to have depression (even Swami told me in my interview, “sometimes depression”) now I find that I do not. Even with all this trouble (illness) of Venkamma, I simply made a decision in my mind and just waited on. I didn’t like the situation, but I wasn’t really depressed or sad. More restless to “get on” with the play, either this or that! And of course I don’t get depressed about God (Swami). We don’t have control – I only sigh and know that it’s His nature! Filling the time in the meantime is our only duty!

Now Venkamma is under strict diet control here and she is not getting gas problem. She has slight diabetes – and is taking one pill a day to control it.

I am going to Venkamma once or twice a day. The Prasanthi doctor Sunanda Amma is there. There is nothing to do, really; I just wash her clothes and we just talk. She’s not going to Darshan or bhajan but Swami calls her to talk with Him in the Mandir, every few days. He also sends food four times a day – special one-person portions on a plate, put with His own hands! They send Doctor Amma canteen food. Sometimes I get a bit of the prasad.

Here Swami is giving nice Darshan. He talks to some, takes letters and calls people for interviews in Darshan every morning. He’s more relaxed and smiles here. In the evenings, there is bhajan in the marriage hall. Swami sits in the chair and determines the program every night – sometimes talks by students, or older devotees (only gents), sometimes He gives a discourse and sometimes only bhajans by the students.

Parvatamma came for a day. She’s having family problems and went to her arch-enemy (Venkamma) and poured out her heart, crying! Swami invited her to return for Summer Course and she may stay in Venkamma’s room! Wouldn’t that be a shock, they have hardly even spoken to each other in years! It would also mean that I would be unable to see Venkamma much; I wouldn’t want to interfer with the family - dangerous!

Hope you are all well there.  Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya

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Rajiv Gandhi’s Death

May 26, 1991

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Parents,

Divya conveys her namaskars. Summer course is 20 May – 3 June. Discourse are going on here.

Venkamma is fine. Her blood sugar was 250 but now it has gone down to normal, 120. She is walking about and shouting – becoming normal again! I come in the morning to sweep/clean the room and wash clothes, and talk to her. She’s talked to Swami several times and every time He’s said, “Never mind, it will go down. It’s nothing.”

It’s rained several times, one of the things I dislike about this place. It gets so muddy and smelly.

The discourses are held in the college auditorium, only students can sit inside (many can’t fit inside). We sit outside. In only a few places outside can one see Swami inside. Otherwise, the mike is on so we can hear.

In the mornings Swami is giving Darshan as usual. Usually I get bad numbers – four times I had #1 but He walked far and didn’t even look at me! What to do. At least we can see Him!

They threw us out of the Hostel on 15 May, to make room for the students. I went to a luxury room with Vidya for a few days, but she didn’t like it so she went to a Bangalore hotel. I went to Sri Lanka Gita’s house, but there’s water problems - I had to carry my water from a far-off pump! Luckily, Vidya again returned (it was too expensive in Bangalore) so we are again together. She’s paying for the room.

The murder of Rajiv Gandhi was a real shock to us all here; also of course, for the whole country. We didn’t have much violence here. On the day after it happened, Swami cancelled all Darshan and told everyone to stay only in their rooms. He did, however, give an informal discourse to all male participants in the summer course in front of His house. I didn’t hear from anyone whether He mentioned the incident. The night before the discourse, however, (given a few hours before it happened), Swami talked a long time about no one knows when death will come, no one can predict. Swami always gives small hints like these showing He knows, but never stops the unenviable!

I am OK, eating alright and pretty healthy. Swami really wanted everyone to leave Parthi this year, guess! We all hope that it will be OK once we return.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya

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Summer Course Going on Well

May 31, 1991

Whitefield

Dear Parents,

Summer course has been going on well.

I am still with Vidya in outside house. Venkamma is still here and has regained full health and is very eager to return to her normal life in Prasanthi Nilayam! But Swami has said she should go only with Him when He returns.

Swami is giving nice Darshan – though it is like stern Prasanthi Nilayam Darshans instead of nice, relaxed Darshan which I remember Whitefield having when I was here last (three years ago!). Plus, I am usually in the back. Wherever I am, Swami completely ignores me; His physical eyes don’t fall on me! Ah well, I’ve always felt non-attention to be good and “safe”. Attention means trouble coming!

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya