Letters from India - Part 2

48. Life Beyond Control and Amma Gets Bursitis - Aug & Sept 1992

My Life Slipped Beyond My Own Control

August 23, 1992

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Parents,

Amma (Venkamma) has knee pain a lot but she still insists on sitting down in the Mandir, and to sit on the floor while cooking also. It’s very painful for her to get up, she even shouts in pain! She’s taking homeopathic medicine, but it doesn’t improve.

As for me, my life seems to have slipped beyond my own control since Amma arrived back from the hospital visit. If she has no one and is moaning and rolling in pain how can I say, “Well! I'm going away to another room now, it’s too noisy here.”?! Also I'm now doing the only work I’ve never done, i.e., cooking for Swami. Amma's helper has gone away and although she’s searching frantically, amazingly no one is willing to help! So for the last few days I had to stay with her helping with cooking Swami's food, instead of going to morning Darshan. I hope she’ll find a good helper soon - you know that cooking is not one of my strong points, in skill or interest either!

As for interruption during the afternoon, others have suggesting putting a big sign on the door during afternoon nap time. But she won't allow it. Also, it’s the people who know her best who think they have enough status to wake her up and barge in whenever they please!

Her personality is one of only giving and fulfilling whatever need she perceives in others. So, people have gotten into the habit of demanding whatever they want, not considering her at all. so many countless times I’ve seen people hang on the door even when she says, “I'm eating, please come back in a few minutes,” or, “I'm not feeling well and I'm laying down.,” they walk right in holding out their hands saying, “All I want is namaskar and prasad, only a minute of your time,” so poor Amma drags herself near to them and fulfills their wishes. She simply won't change.

Krishnashtami went off well. Morning was nice – Krishna songs by college boys and Swami got His hands nicely slobbered upon, feeding bananas to all the cows. Sweets dripping with oil were the prasad distributed to all! Evening was discourse in Poornachandra.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya

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Venkamma Gets Bursitis

August 29, 1992

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Parents,

Swami left for Hyderabad on 27th and will return on 30th. He’s gone to open the newest creation – some big building. Avatars have always been strange creatures. Can anyone predict them?? Also Swami has already sold off the new canteen (ashram canteen!) as well as the foreigners canteen. What will this mean? New non-devotee staff? Owners hungry for profits? The big (heart-operation) canteen has already been sold and new doctors now have to pay for their meals (before, Swami gave free meals). So what to do? Krishna was known as a thief and Rama listened to the words of an evil maid-servant instead of His parents and all the people of Ayodhya. Yes, one doesn’t know the ways of Avatars.

Meanwhile, the day after Krishnashtami, Amma had fever all night then the next morning she couldn’t move her right arm because of intense, unbearable pain. It’s been that way since then – all day she cries with pain. They say it is maybe bursitis. So no sleep, no proper food, and for me, no Darshan - only 24 hours trying to help her. The other helper has left to her village due to family illness. What to do? No one for Amma. Now, a week later, it’s slightly better so she can move her arm a bit and lay down for a few minutes at a time.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya

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Amma Back in Hospital for Arm Pain

September 7, 1992

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Parents,

Sai Ram. Divya conveys her namaskars. I hope you are all fine there.

I wrote you a hurried note on how Amma wasn’t feeling well due to pain in right arm. Well after a few days she began having breathing difficulties – shortness of breath. Finally on 2nd evening they gave intravenous injections and sent word to Swami. He sent word back, “It’s nothing, it will go away. But she gets no rest there so send her to the hospital to rest.” (The same exact words, incidentally, that He said last time).

So at 8 PM when she was right in the middle of eating dinner (eating with left hand because right arm was too painful to move), a car arrived at our doorstep with Swami’s driver in it, ready to take her to the hospital. Needless to say, we were both unpleasantly shocked! But Sai’s word had to be obeyed so off we went, and here we are.

So I am here as usual, 24 hours a day. Her family members come & go but they have their own lives (including small children) so no one offers to stay some time to give me rest.

Ganesh day went off nicely though I could only hear from the room (Amma was sick in the room then). Every day they did puja to the clay image of Ganesh installed in front of main Ganesha. Then we came to the hospital so I was disappointed to not see the powerful procession of all the Ganeshas on the way to Chitravathi river. This happened on Sunday the 6th. What to do??

Now Onam festival is on 8th & 9th. I don’t mind missing this festival because they sit only Keralites in front row morning and evening, for two days. Last year they took up the entire compound so there was no room for us at all. I only hope and pray that Amm is better and in the room by Dasara – as I’d really like to see it. As you know I love to hear the mantras (which acted as a lullaby for you Mom) and see the holy smoke rising up (which acted as a dust storm for you). We can only wait and see, isn't it? God's Will shall prevail.

Well nothing else to report so I will end, somehow I will get this letter to Vidya, who will give to any USA person leaving.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu,

Love,

Divya