Letters from India - Part 2

43. Plans to Leave Dashed - March 1992

Train Reservation to Go

March 1, 1992 

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Parents,

Now, I write to say that I have train reservation for 3 March (the day after Maha Sivarathri) and if all is graced by Sai, I’ll arrive at Anandashram on 4 March. I’ll write you after I arrive. I wrote to Anandashram and a few days ago I got a very nice letter from the ashram, saying I was welcome to stay there.

Of course all is ONE and all is God, but it will be a relief for me to escape the “worldly” life here with God, who is playing the part of a householder so to speak, what with having thousands of His children living in His house, coming & going!

At this point Amma (Venkamma) is a bit worried that I'm leaving her (she complains about my hard, cold heart of stone sometimes) but, I am sure many will be eager to take my place and serve her. Also she understands that to be the only white face here in the summer might cause talk and even disturbance in the minds of some of Swami’s children (if you know what I mean - jealousies and competition is rampant here).

There is also the possibility that Swami will call Amma to Whitefield with Him for the summer. That would be best because Swami takes good care of her there, send her food and would have someone stay with her (I would not be allowed to stay with her anyway, as the compound is only for “insiders”).

Anyway, now Amma is back to normal (i.e., like a lioness, full of shakti and prowling about again :-)).

The weather has become warmer finally, much to my relief. I tried during these last five months to feel heat and cold as the same, but this body insisted on shivering a lot, manifesting countless goose-pimples and getting several colds. Never mind.

All is the same here, the demolishing work is happily being carried out, heart operations are being performed daily and Swami is very, very busy.

Many people have come for Sivarathri. Swami’s giving Darshan twice a day as usual and is being very compassionate. He talks to the new doctors a lot, He takes countless stacks of letters, makes vibhuti, walks close allowing namaskar, throws candies to the crowds, laughs and talks, and calls groups for interviews. He looks ageless and young, full of love. When I had first row a few days ago, He looked so, so tiny! Such a small, thin frame. He looked at me nicely a couple of days ago.

Bhajan is also twice a day as usual, but it’s more difficult to get in because all the VIPs and old students take up ¾ of the Mandir. I am sitting in the morning with the permanents now - there’s more chance for space inside.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya

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Plans to Leave Dashed With a Dream

March 7, 1992 

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Parents,

Sai Ram, Sai Ram. Divya conveys her namaskars

Swami left on 6 March and He is now in Whitefield ashram. He’ll go to Kodai Kanal, Ooty and maybe Hyderabad. He’ll return her only in June or July.

They are emptying out the Canteen with huge pieces of machinery etc., and will start demolishing it tomorrow (8th March). Just last year they put in a new roof! Now it all goes. They’ll serve rice in some shed, and cook in the great outdoors, perhaps!

Now, I had everything planned to go to Kerala’s Anandashram (train reservation on 3rd March) when on 1st March I had a dream of me trying to escape from the Mandir (it was a mental institution in the dream!), but Swami was mad at me for leaving my work. After this dream, I cancelled the trip plans, thinking He didn’t want me to leave my work (i.e., Venkamma, which is like nurse work, which I have been tiring of lately). Still, the end of the dream suggested I might be “freed” sometime, from the mental house of Prasanthi Nilayam!

For now, summer has come and so ¾ of the ashram has gone. Amma is happy to have me around – all other helpers come & go but are not permanent.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya