Angel [BoyXBoy]

Chapter 28: Ephemeral

So, clearly the name of this book has changed lol, I just didn't like Idiot, I Love You. It sounded weird to me so I changed it to Angel. I am also going to start updating every two weeks and there are probably less than ten chapters left. With that said- here we go....
Chapter 28: Ephemeral

Angel was in the dark room with his camera, he was plugged into the music on his phone, listening to the songs he liked in middle school. He was feeling young again, even though his bones still ached most days and his dreams still stole most of his energy. He was getting better.
He could see it now and for the first time in his life he could predict bad days, he could tell when his panic was simmering up in his throat, he knew when he needed a break and could tell people that's what he needed. If he was being honest with himself- he never thought he'd get to this point. By the time he was twelve, he was sure he wouldn't even live to high school graduation and now he wasn't throwing away the college brochures Carson sent him.
For the first time he held onto some glimmer of hope of living a somewhat normal life. He had come to accept that some of his scars were never going to fade. He had even come to accept that he himself could fade. His eyes would blur, and his legs would grow weak. For the first time he had to think about tomorrow and while it scared the living crap out of him, he was welcoming the sun rise.
Angel fell into a routine of simplicity he craved. His days were spent drifting farther and farther from Cole in school, he was reaching out to more people. He had even become friends with the captain of the soccer team, his name was Ray and he liked the way Angel laughed.
By now, the news of his abuse had become more than just a rumor. People connected the dots when they started actually looking at Angel. It wasn't as terrible as he had imagined being outed was going to be. People didn't pity him as much as he thought they would have. He was able to still blend into the background as people buzzed around him.
He was approached by a few students who broke down in his arms, telling him they had dealt with or were dealing with the same. He had begun to bring lunch for a freshman girl named Claire whose mom was never sober, so the girl could get at least one full meal a day.
Cole never asked where Angel went when he disappeared for lunch, Cole trusted his lover. Angel loved that the most, knowing that no matter what happened, he could return to the same arms at the end of the day. Sometimes he thought about how they could break up and he had come to the conclusion that even thought it would hurt him like nothing else before- if it was for the best, he could deal with it.
Cole had taught him that no matter what life threw at him, he would be able to handle it and continue on. Cole had told Angel it was okay to be soft, it was alright to hurt as long as you keep in mind that everything is temporary. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but nothing is impossible either. Angel noted how Cole had mellowed from his previous golden boy ways. Cole no longer kept his opinion to himself if it was something he felt strongly about. He no longer sat by as cruelty happened in front of him to avoid the trouble. He'd been a part of one or two fights defending some scrawny freshman from some assholes.
Cole was gone right now- off visiting his top University so he would feel comfortable signing. The thought of Cole and him being apart no longer scared him. Therapy had helped him loosen his grip but still let Cole have his whole heart.
The door to the dark room opened and Angel pulled out one of his earbuds. He turned his head to the side to see Ray leaning against the door.
"Hey" Angel smiled, "What's up?".
"Just making sure you remember Coach wants you and me on the field in an hour," Ray said. Ray was an easy man to talk to, he wasn't as tall as Angel- he was actually kind of petite, but no one really looked down at him for it. He was always sticking his nose where it might get bitten off but had yet to suffer any consequences from him routine meddling.
"I know you didn't walk all the way up here to tell me not to be late, so what's really up?" Angel rose his brow.
Ray might be an easy man to talk to, but he was also easy to read. The boy pursed his lips and looked at Angel with his almond eyes. Ray finally let out a loud exhale and sat on a stool by the door. Angel flicked on the rest of the lights and shut his camera off. He sat on his butt on the floor and rest his palms on the tile behind him.
"You know Mikey?" Ray began.
"From the baseball team? I guess, we share the weight room with them on down days, why?" Angel replied.
"So, like, fuck" Ray rubbed his face with his hands- which were quivering, "How do you know if you're gay? Or bi? Or whatever".
"You think you might be gay or bi?" Angel questioned, he wasn't exactly surprised. Not because he had a 'gaydar' or anything like that old stereotype, he was just now used to people asking him about this stuff. After Cole decided to pretend he was in a romantic comedy and kiss Angel in front of the whole school, people had been asking Angel questions about sexuality left and right.
"I'm not sure, Mikey...I mean don't you think he's cute?" Ray mumbled.
"He is," Angel shifted his weight from one shoulder to the other, "not my type but he is cute."
"Yeah," Ray laughed, "we all know your type is Cole."
Angel squinted his eyes and cocked his head to the side, only now trying to remember if he liked guys like Cole or he just liked Cole, "We've just been hanging out a lot lately, he's in my physics class and his older brother was the previous captain, so I've known him since middle school. I don't know when I started noticing all these little things about him."
"Like what?" Angel asked, having learned that most people weren't actually asking for advice when they approached Angel, they just needed to rant.
"You know how people bite their bottom lip? Well he bites his top like a freaking weirdo, but I think its cute. He wants to be a teacher and he loves kids so much- he has two little sisters and he takes such good care of them. He's smart and the kindest person I've ever met. And I mean, he's an athlete so it's not like his body isn't insane..." Ray trailed off.
"Sounds like you have at least an interest in him, I'm not too sure I'm 'qualified' to give advice- I'd know I was bi since I was thirteen. Cole probably knows more about the figuring out where on the spectrum you are"
"Where is he anyway?" Ray asked, "he usually brings you to the field"
"He's in Corvallis visiting Oregon State, he'll be back in like two days" Angel explained, "but you know me, I don't think too much about gender- if you have a connection with someone you have a connection with them. I'd hate to see you pass up a chance to be in love just because you're scared."
"I'm not scared!" Ray huffed.
"You are terrified, I can see it all over your face," Ange raised one hand and pointed at Ray's face, twirling his pointed finger around to tease ray, "There is nothing wrong with being scared, I scared a lot, senior year is scary. You don't have to be brave all the time."
"Cole teach you that?" Ray tried to tease Angel, but it backfires when Angel replied with, "yeah, he did".
"Look, I'm not an expert in love or even in just self-love, I'm still getting to know myself every day but there isn't anything bad about that. If you think you have feelings for this guy and you think he might like you too, ask him out. The worst thing that can happen is he says no and it's a little awkward for a while. But you never if you don't try." Angel smiled.
"You're right, I just- what if I get into something I can't get out of?" Ray asked.
"I honestly don't know how to answer that, I never regretted dating Cole, or anyone I dated before him. Love is a tricky thing, it takes a lot of trial and error. Remember we are still kids, there is time to figure things out. You don't need to have everything figured out right now," Angel told Ray.
Ray pursed his lips together in thought, he looked at Angel. Angel shot the boy a crooked smile and Ray nodded to himself. Angel had been told recently that for whatever reason he put people at ease. Ray stood up and held a hand out to help Angel stand. Angel opened his mouth to say something when his phone vibrated in his pocket.
"I'm guessing that's Cole, I should go anyway. I'll see you soon, and thanks," Ray smiled and patted Angel on the shoulder before leaving Angel to answer his phone.
"Hey," Angel breathed when he answered the phone.
"Hey baby," Cole replied, "I just got done with the campus tour and wanted to hear your voice".
"How sappy," Angel teased, "How was it?"
"It was great, I talked to a graduate from their human services department, she works at an adoption agency vetting parents. She seems really proud of her work. I want to be proud like that. Their gym is huge! The coach still says I'm on the top of his list for quarterbacks even thought I told him I don't want to go pro," Cole reported, "I think you'd love it here, there are so many trees and the view! Angel you can see the mountains wherever you are on campus!"
"Well I'll get to see them when I come visit you there," Angel smiled to himself, "I need to get ready for practice, but I love you and want you home soon."
"I'll be back tomorrow evening," Cole whined, "Still a little long to be away from you," he complained.
"The distance is temporary," Angel reminded Cole, who was surprisingly clingy.
"I know, I know," Cole sighed, "I love you, have fun at practice, tell Ray I say hi."
"I will, I love you too Cole" Angel whispered.
"More than you know," Cole finished their cheesy tradition and Angel found himself yearning for his lovers' arms around him and had to remind himself that the distance was ephemeral.