Redamancy || Draco Malfoy

DH // 26

Draco and I laid in silence.

The whole of Malfoy Manor was quiet, everyone having gone to sleep.

I wanted to say something, anything, but there was nothing on my mind. What was I supposed to talk about? The weather?

Draco's back was facing me, but I knew he was awake.

In spite of how annoyed I had been these past few days, several times because of Draco, I wanted him to hold me.

Over the course of the past years, I came to the realisation that I was brilliant at putting up facades. I always seemed strong, even when I wanted nothing more than to run away. And I always seemed to be running.

I was terrified beyond words right now. It was easier to be tough in broad daylight, but when night settled, I was always reminded of the deaths and the violence.

I thought of my friends, my family, and I felt like going out of my mind. I wondered if they were looking for me. I didn't want them to. Charlie would be looking, that I knew. I hoped they were all safe.

I frowned, trying to calm my nerves down. I was anxious, and afraid. I didn't like this feeling.

I tensed as panic started to bubble up.

He was still facing away from me.

Was he angry at me?

All of a sudden, I sat upright.

Instantly, Draco turned.

But I wasn't looking at him. I was scrambling off the bed.

I needed to get out of this room. It was closing in on me.

My mind was muddled, my steps shaky. I reached the bedroom door, the doorknob rattling under my fingers. Finally, the door opened.

I ran out of the room.

The Manor was huge. It didn't help the panic pouring out of my body. My vision had blurred considerably, and I couldn't see where I was going.

Did they hate me?

Would Ron understand that everything I did, I did it to keep him safe? Would Ron understand, that despite how harsh I could be sometimes, I still loved him with all my heart?

Would Fred and George understand that I hadn't meant to disappear?

Would Pansy and Blaise understand that I hadn't meant to lie, all those times?

I sank to the ground, midway on the stairs.

It had grown hard to breathe.

My face was wet, but I hardly felt it. I hardly felt anything.

Not even his hands, when he ran after me, falling to the ground beside me in alarm.

Not even his caress, his touch that I had so desperately needed.

And not even his kisses, telling me that everything would be okay, that he was here now. That he'd never leave me.

He was lying. He would leave. Just like all of them did.

His embrace was cold, empty, and it made me hurt worse.

The only comfort I got, was the sound of every mirror in the hall shattering into a million pieces.

♚

I awoke to the light fluttering of the curtain. Sunlight was streaming in through the window.