The Affair // Mustafa Ali

fourteen

I wasn't one for talking about feelings. I kept them bottled up, and never spoke of them. Adeel and I were still in New York. We didn't need to leave until tonight and I wanted to look around at places. Even though he corned me last week, we hadn't actually talked about the baby. All he really said was that he would support me and we were okay. I missed the signs and if I hadn't, that baby still might be alive.

Adeel was at the hotel gym whilst I got dressed and used his laptop to look for apartments. New York was different to Detroit. They were both different to Melbourne. I forget that's my home. After everything, I feel lost. I'm not sure where I'm suppose to be and I'm not sure what I'm suppose to be doing. I didn't have any qualifications, I had my VCE and that was it. I started a psychology degree at Deakin, but dropped out. I remembered how different Jake was. In high school, he was just a boy who liked to play football and cricket, then at uni, he as an abusive liar. I wasn't sure what I did I to make him change, I know he had many side pieces. I never got how my friends and family immediately took his side. You could see the bruises, but they still took his side. With that, I dropped out of uni, and applied for a visa. I stayed in a motel in the worst part of town until it came through.

I felt Adeel smirk into my skin as he held me from behind. He frowned as he looked at the computer. "Why are you looking at apartments?"

I hadn't told him of my dislike for Detroit. It also looked that I would half to drop my love for space if I moved here. "Looking for an apartment" I mumbled.

"In New York?" He asked with a raised brow. But I heard him mumble "further away."

"I'm just looking" I said, pushing the laptop away. "I need to get away from Detroit."

Adeel climbed on top of me. "Well there's other places you can go" he said, leaning down to kiss me.

"Oh like a shower?" I smirked, "because you need one."

Adeel gasped and pulled away, "how dare you."

I laughed and pushed him off me, "I wanna go exploring" I pouted.

He laughed and got off the bed, "alright, I'll shower." As soon as the door closed I started putting on make up. I had never actually explored New York, even though I was here for summer slam. I changed into Adeel's shirt and boots, his shirt looking like a dress.

"You ready?" Adeel asked coming out of the bathroom.

I nodded and turned around, "Adeel!" I squealed as he walked out of the bathroom naked.

I played on my phone whilst he got dressed, looking at all the places we could go. "Lets go to time square" I said as he put his shoes on.

"Come on" he said, holding out his hand and leading me out of the hotel room.

I love New York, almost as much as I love Adeel. We stood in time square, people moving around us like we weren't there. I held my phone up, making Adeel smile. He kissed my cheek and as I went to take the photo he said something that I didn't think he would.

"I love you" he whispered as his lips touched my cheek. Adeel called it the perfect picture. He smirked whilst kissing me, and my mouth was open in shock.

"You do?" I whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.

He nodded, "I do."

"Good because I love you too." I leant up to kiss  him before pulling away. "But I'd love you more if you got me some food."

Adeel rolled his eyes before taking my hand, "come on."

Adeel took me to another diner, which seemed to be our thing. We explored New York slowly as we held hands. I had fallen in love with a man that I tried to hurt because he is married.

And just like that, we were back on the road. Adeel drove as we made our way to Philadelphia. He had suggested that I join one of those support groups, to help me accept. I told him I would, it's just not something that I want to do yet. I wondered if I would be pregnant again. I always wanted two kids, a boy and a girl. But Adeel already has two kids, a boy and a girl. At least I have Teddy.

"Did they tell you?" I asked, making him look over at me.

"Hm?"

"When I got to the hospital, did they tell you?" That look on Adeel's face when the doctor walked in, he knew something I didn't.

He nodded, "yes."

I looked down at my hands, everyone knew but me.

"When they changed you, they found the" he trailed off. "Fetus" he said quietly.

"Why did they do an ultrasound?" I asked. If they knew I had lost the baby, why did they do an ultrasound?

"They were checking for twins and any damage to your uterus." He could sense the best question coming as he pulled up at a red light. He grabbed my hand, "you were just over a month, there was no pregnancy signs."

I didn't say anything else as he continued driving. Was there anything I could have done to stop it from happening?

"What would you have done?" I asked. "If I hadn't have lost it" I added quietly.

He was silent for a minute. "I would have supported you in which ever decision you made" he said whilst squeezing my hand.

"And if I kept it?"

"Then I'd have a third child" he said with a shrug. "I wouldn't have left you Roo" he said, reading my thoughts. "We still did have a baby together" he pointed out.

"Do you think it was a boy or a girl?" I asked him.

He laughed, "a boy."

"I want a boy first" I said with a smile.

"Yeah?" He smirked.

"Yeah."

Maybe we were okay.