One Big Family (Camren & Norminah)

Part 50: Can't help falling in love with you

Grace and Rosie stood in the kitchen for a while just holding onto each other as Rosie calmed down. Grace wasn't that surprised that her wife wasn't dealing with her feelings because it was starting to become obvious however she was surprised at what those feelings exactly were. She knew Rosie was unhappy, and a little jealous about not being able to have kids. She just didn't know that Rosie was so angry about it though. That she actually resented Grace for being able to carry their children. It was something that Grace didn't even really consider when she agreed to get pregnant. She knew Rosie would probably feel a little jealous but she didn't think it would be like this.

Rosie reluctantly pulled out of her wife's embrace but couldn't look her in the eye. She felt ashamed of herself for what she was feeling and hated putting Grace in this situation. Grace's heart broke all over again at the sight of her wife looking so miserable and afraid to even look at her.

"Rosie." Grace quietly spoke first.

The brunette just looked down and didn't say anything.

"Look at me...please?" Grace spoke again.

Rosie just shook her head and continued to look down.

"Why not?" Grace asked sadly.

"Because...I'm mad at myself." Rosie finally spoke.

"And that means you can't look at me?" Grace asked a little confused.

"I don't deserve to look at you when I feel like this." Rosie told her.

And if her heart wasn't already ripped apart it was completely shattered now. Grace hated it when Rosie was hurting or whenever she felt like she doesn't deserve something. She hated that Rosie was so insecure sometimes.

"Rosie, please look at me." Grace asked again.

After a long beat Rosie finally gave in and hesitantly looked up at her wife. Rosie's eyes were puffy and red from crying and her cheeks were covered in old and new salty tears. Grace gently wiped them away using the sleeve of her top. Rosie just stood there and let her.

"There...you're all pretty again." Grace gave her a small smile.

Another long silence fell upon the pair as neither really knew what to say or do as of this moment. That was until Rosie spoke up.

"Do you hate me?" She nervously asked.

"Of course not!" Grace all but yelled.

"But..."

"Rosie. Stop ok. Just...just stop. I could never hate you. You're my wife and my best friend there is nothing you could say or do that would make me love you any less." Grace added.

"Gracie I need...something. I just...I want to stop feeling like this. Like I'm some sort of…failure of a woman because I can't have kids and then I feel like I'm a terrible wife because you're doing this huge thing for us. Something that you didn't even want to do in the first place but you did it anyway and I actually feel as though I'm starting to hate you for it. I don't want to be feeling this now or after they're born. I don't want to feel this at all. I need...I need help." Rosie struggled to speak.

Grace couldn't help but swallow back her surprise and her emotions as her wife fell apart in front of her. She had to put her feelings aside though so she could be there for Rosie.

"I know and I'll help you, in any way that I can." Grace quickly replied taking a step closer to her wife.

"I don't think you can." Rosie sadly mumbled.

"Maybe not." Grace conceded.

"I'm sorry." Rosie quietly added.

"Don't be." Grace replied.