My Roommate the Sex God

CLUMSY BOY

Keagan

I knew that I couldn't waste anymore time sitting in the hotel room. Well... I could. I was a grown ass man, and I didn't fucking have to do this, but if I didn't go Jamison would on his own, and I wasn't about to let my mom brainwash him like she did with all my teachers and child protective services. So I had to suck it up and go.

It was nice to get all of that shit off my chest with Jamie, what felt even better was when he cried. I fucking told him I didn't want to go, so now that we're here I was going to rub his nose into this hell hole he made me come back too. If there was ever a chance to teach him to keep his nose out of things like this, now was the time. And trust me, I know I'm not the easiest to talk too, but he just took the initiative and decided for me and then twisted my arm into going. I know he wasn't doing this in a malicious way, I know he thinks this is for the best and that I need closure, but now I'm stuck with this shit sandwich and I fucking refuse to eat it alone.

I know that makes me sound terrible, and that I should put on my big boy pants and deal, but I have no idea if Jamison and I are a forever thing like we're hoping or if this is just a college relationship. But if there is one thing I will teach this precious sheltered boy it will be that not everything can be fixed and sometimes you just have to let broken things stay broken.

"We need to get this over with." I took a deep breath before taking Jamison's hand in my own. "But I have to make a short stop before we do. Is that cool?"

"Yeah of course." He said and squeezed my hand. Though I'm sure he meant to do that in a reassuring way, it just made me feel worse. I could feel my stomach churning, because even though I knew my father couldn't hurt me anymore, I knew that the walls I built to protect me from those memories would be torn down as soon as I see that fucking house.

I didn't tell Jamison where we were stopping first, and I think I thoroughly confused him after I bought a small bouquet of roses in the hotel gift shop. We had to take a taxi to where we were headed, but luckily the cab driver said he'd wait free of charge and gave his condolences to us both which just completely threw Jamie off as well until he actually looked around.

"Why are we here?" He asked, keeping his voice down as I led the way.

"Well... I didn't want to let this trip be a huge waste of our time... So I thought I'd bring you here to meet someone special to me." I said before stopping in front of the modest head stone I was all too familiar with. "Jamie, this is Jana. She's the only reason I made it long enough to meet you."

Jamie looked up at me as if I had set the sun on fire myself before wrapping an arm around my waist.

"I hope she knows how grateful I am for her too then." He said as he rested his head against my chest. I really wish they could have met instead of him meeting my shitty ass biological family. It would have been a far better experience.

After a few more moments of silence, I laid the flowers I had bought down and pulled Jamie away. I honestly could have stayed there all day, but that would have defeated the purpose and probably really would have creeped Jamie out.

The cab ride to my parents house... Well trailer wasn't nearly long enough to let me calm my nerves, and as soon as we pulled in front of the trailer park entrance I had to tell the driver to stop and handed Jamison my wallet so he could pay and I could throw up outside.

It was embarrassing to say the least, and Jamison only made it worse when he started rubbing my back. He just wanted to help and try to make things better in this mess he made, so I let him.

I don't know why him comforting me made me feel so shitty. It's supposed to help isn't it? It just made me feel weak though, it made me feel so out of control of myself. Before now my Dad was the only one who ever made me feel that way... But they were for totally different reasons, so why?