A Dangerous Game | N.H [under construction]

| Chapter Thirty Five |

Its been a pretty rough week for me, but then again, whens the last time i've had an atleast decent one? Feels like its been forever. I can't remember the last time I have had a clear head where there's nothing for me to worry or stress about, latley thats all I have done.

After my — what Nicole calls 'epiphany' about Grant and Niall, she has had me going out with her left and right. We went to a few parties, and clubs (which were no where close to here, in case Niall or Grant were going to be there. She was careful about avoiding them which I was relieved about.) and I let loose. I feel like a hypocrite saying this but I didn't really want too if im being honest, I don't think I was ready as much as I wanted to be. I was uncomfortable with the men practically groping me, but the more the drinks I downed the more I cared less. I just tried to have fun, tried.

It felt wrong, all of it did. And not because I was technically still with Grant or whatever we even were anymore but because this wasn't who I was. I wanted to get back at them, but this wasn't exactly how I wanted to do it. Or maybe it was, but right now just wasn't the right time. (Maybe it was too soon) When I was on that Girl Power high with Nicole I didn't really see that this wasn't who I was because I thought anything would be better than me because I looked at myself as weak. I think I need to realize that I can be strong and powerful as myself, in a healthier way, not pretending to be someone else and doing things that I wouldn't typically do.

I felt like I was being used by Grant and Niall, but then again aren't I just using these people? And aren't they just using me? Where would this get me? More problems, thats what. I know this works for some people and that's fine, it just doesn't for me.

I didn't go far with any of them, I just danced and that was that. Nicole wanted me to do more, but I think after a while she could see that the only thing I was feeling was shame, not empowerment. (Nicole was lucky she could feel that, I envied her for it.)

Those long reckless nights lead to more exhausted mornings for school. I was falling behind, especially this past week, I could feel it. I was forgetting about homework assignments, getting unusually low grades on pop quizes, and my mind was set a drift during lectures. (But it was worse now, then it has ever been)

School was very important to me, I cared about my grades, and how my professors look at me as a student. I don't want them to think im a slacker, or someone who doesn't give a shit about education because honestly thats all I really have right now. I sucked at relationships and men in general but one thing I knew I didn't was school. I felt accomplished there. And without that, I just feel like a failure.

And to make my week worse, my moms been badgering me about coming home early before thanksgiving break. She's been calling me non stop for a few days, saying she and dad miss me, and of course I miss them too — but right now I can't deal with this. I have too much going on to think about leaving, and that did sound good — to just leave and deal with it all whenever I got back but thats just not an option.

I was tired, physically and mentally. I wish I could just go back in time from before I went to C-4 and called it off. I wish I followed my gut because now all I hear it saying every time I think about those stupid captivating blue eyes I hear a mocking 'I told you so.'

I was walking down the hall to finally get out of school when I heard a familar shout.

I turned around only to see Dylan jogging after me, his bag hung over his broad shoulder.

My lips tiled into a smile as he came up beside me, "Hey," he breathed, doing that thing where he acts like he isn't winded.

"Hi," I greeted back amused, starting to walk down the hall again.

"So, uh, how are you?" he glanced at me, his hand gripping his bag tightly. He seemed nervous.

I nodded along, "I'm okay, hanging in there. You?"

"Oh yeah, I'm great. Great as can be." he answered, with a momentary pause, "I actually was um.." he itched the back of his neck, "I was kind of wondering if you were busy today? If not, do you maybe wanna stop by this mini golf course I use to work at? You see, I have this discount thing and it expires tomorrow, so I just — you know was wondering if you wanted to come with me and — you know, hangout, and play a while. I was thinking how it would be fun, and I don't know, you just — seem like you could use it, you aren't smiling as much as you used too." he rambles with his cheeks tinted, and I felt my heart swell. "If not thats fine! I don't — I don't expect you to be free, it was just a —"

"Sure." I interrupt simply, and he looks at me puzzled.

"Wait really?" His eyebrows shot up in delight, "You're not like.. doing that thing you usually do after classes that you can't be late for?" he babbled out.

I grimace. He was talking about me going to the gym for Grant like usual, god I couldn't think about Grant. I had been completely putting him to the back of my mind. (or attempting too)

It feels like months since I have spoken to him, when its been days. I haven't called, or seen him since that night. And he hasn't made any attempts to contact me either, maybe we were really officially done.

I don't know, and right now I don't want to care.

I shook my head, clearing my throat of the thoughts. "Nope, I'm free for today," I answered with a small smile, "But I have to warn you, Im pretty competitive." I teased, "I might end up kicking your ass." I smirk, as we walk out the doors of the school.

"Is that so?" He grins as I reached for my keys while my eyes set on my car in the parking lot, "Have you ever played?"

I shook my head again, "Nope," I say turning on my heel to walk backwards, "but, I am a fast learner." I wink playfully, turning back again. "Pick me up at seven!" I call back, as we went our separate ways, but I could feel his eyes still on me.

"Its a date! — wait shit, I mean, not a date, date, like a Friend date — two friends going out, but not a romantic date — thing — Just — yeah, see you then!" He put his reddening face in his hands, groaning to himself. I smothered a laugh into my hand, watching him go while he muttered scolding himself.

I shook my head with a smile, walking the rest of my way to my car, unlocking it with a click of my keys. I took a hold of the handle of the door, pulling it open before pausing from a familiar feeling pricking my neck, like someone was watching me.

I slowly looked up, peering around me cautiously.

I chewed my lip nervously, not seeing anyone around, but it still didn't put me at ease. Especially since the last time I felt like this, I was at C-4, and Nialls eyes were in my back like a target.

I shook my head to myself, finally climbing into the car. I was being paranoid, I have been on edge for days, with lack of sleep and stress — its normal to get on edge like this, right?

It was nothing.

(atleast, thats what I hoped)

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{EDITED: 6/16/18}

A/N: This was a bit of a rough chapter for me, I kept changing it so im sorry if it sucks, its kind of a filler? idk but it leads into something im very excited to write! Thank you all for the reads, votes, and comments, I love reading them :)