I Do, Don't I?

Chapter Twenty-Six

As I packed my things, John started his Chevvy. He came in to my cottage and helped me with my luggage to the back of his truck. I threw myself into the shotgun seat and waited until he was seated on the driver's seat before asking, "How long would travel time take to Hardbourn?"

"It'll be about a day if we're caught in traffic, but about 18 hours if we don't."

I closed my eyes and breathed hard. It'll be a long while before I get the answers from my sister. And I hope Eva won't put a cold shoulder on me.

**********

"Crap." I heard John mutter under his breath as he slammed his palm against the battered leather of the wheel.

I slowly lifted my lids open and frowned at the dark view of my side of the window. I gradually sat up straight and realized that it was already dark out. "What's going on?" I asked, befuddled by the noises that the horns were making.

"Traffic."

I glanced at him and noticed that there were faint traces of dark circles underneath his eyes through the moonlight. His features were rigid and beads of sweat slowly slid down from his hair, passing by his ear then to his neck.

I made a gentle touch to his moist arm. "Maybe we should pull over and rest for the night. It can wait until tomorrow."

His eyes shifted to my hand then, to me. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, flashing him a subtle smile.

He nodded, pushing a thin smile through his lips.

We waited until we were able to find an open space where we could drive to the side of the road, on the grassy field.

He opened his door and I followed him out. He opened the back of his truck and jumped up, hugging his knees. I stood in front of him, sending a wordless message that I wanted to sit beside him. He offered a hand and I took it as I clambered up.

"The stars look beautiful tonight," I said, breaking the silence, trying to make a conversation, the honking of the cars suddenly faint and distant.

"I'm glad that I'm sharing the beautiful view with someone special."

I raised my head to see him and I was right. He was looking right at me. "I love you," I whispered beneath the distant singing of the crickets. The road has grown silent and we felt as though we owned the night.

"I love you, too," he said.

"And if I love you, it means that I could be honest with you, right?"

It seemed to have stopped him for a moment. "Yes, of course." He lifted his arm from my shoulder and sat up, bracing his knees in his arms, studying me. "Is something wrong?"

"I just...I don't know why..." I breathed heavily as I ran my fingers through my dark hair. "I don't know if this is right."

"What is?" Confusion swam in his eyes.

"This."

"What's this?" I could hear the frustration rising in his voice.

"This! This, this, this affair!" I suddenly felt sick to the pits of my stomach to have said that.

He sighed and looked away.

"I'm...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..."

He turned to me. "No. It's okay." Surprisingly, he didn't sound anywhere close to angry or disappointed.

"I shouldn't have said--"

"It's okay," he cut in gently, placing a palm over my hand that was resting against the cold metal of his Chevvy. "You still don't know the whole thing."

"Whole thing?" I echoed in bewilderment. "What do you mean?"

He sighed, knowing that he had slipped. "Do you promise that whatever I say, you won't get mad at me?"

I nodded hesitantly.