I Do, Don't I?

Chapter Thirty

I went up, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand before Jude sees me and becomes suspicious. I saw a faint light coming from the lamp in the bedroom, I knew that Jude is home. He has probably seen me and John walk to the door.

When I reached the barely-ajar door, there was a sound from the bedroom. I leaned in and listened close.

I knew he wasn't alone.

I frowned and pulled away from the door. I tried not to make any sound as I pushed the door open and...

"Oh my God..." I breathed.

The lady in a black spagghetti-strapped shift dress pulled away from Jude and they both looked at me with the same wide eyes.

"Rachel." Jude said.

"Oh God," I uttered, both in shock and shame. "I'm sorry--I, I, I didn't mean to--"

Jude pushed the girl out of his way and came after me as I began to retreat to the door. "I can explain--"

I held my hand up as I continuously took steps backwards. "No, no, no, no, it's okay. I, I, I just came home to say that I wanted a divorce and you just made it perfectly reasonable."

We both stopped in our tracks.

"You wanted a divorce?" he said, sounding more of an "Did I hear you right?" than "Why?! Why Rachel?! WHY?!"

"Yes," I nodded firmly. "I want a divorce."

"Why?" he asked, sounding perfectly normal as if I told him that I needed a vacation rather than a divorce.

"Because." I smoothed down my green summer dress. "I don't love you."

"Oh," he said, barely crestfallen.

"Will you arrange the papers by tomorrow, then?" I asked. We both sounded as if this were a business proposal.

"There's no need."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

He hesitated. "Follow me," he said as he gestured towards his study.

He pulled the drawer from his table and pulled out a brown envelope and handed it over to me.

I stared at it then looked up to him.

"Those are divorce papers," he said. "You already filed them and I already signed before you met the accident. I thought that you'd change your mind when you woke up at the hospital then, we found out that you had an amnesia. So I took the chance to, you know, smooth things out between us. But it turns out that I wasn't able to change." He shook his head looking genuinely disappointed with himself. "You have every right to be mad at me for being an asshole of a husband," he said, looking straight to my eyes, a sign of sincerity. "I don't deserve someone like you, Rachel." He shook his head.

I made my way to him and gave him a long embrace. He placed his arms around my waist and we stayed like that for a couple of minutes maybe. "I do  love you, Rachel," he was saying while we remained tangled with each other. "But I guess I don't love you enough."

I closed my eyes and nodded, letting the remains of my tears drain all out. "Thank you," I whispered.