N I N E T E E N

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Valerie :

I pretend I'm asleep when I hear the shuffling next to me in the bed.

Chad was ready to go downstairs and enjoy his morning with his friends.

I was certain I was not leaving this room until tomorrow, that was the day we'd leave. When I heard the door closing, I let out a relieved sigh and then lay on my back looking at the ceiling.

How could you?

The memories from this morning running back into my mind over and over again.

You are the worst person in the world

I didn't want that moment to stop. I had forgotten what happiness felt like, he had made me so happy and he didn't even realize it.

Shut up you slut, you don't deserve happiness

I couldn't face them. I couldn't see Tara and pretend that nothing had happened…

I couldn't be in a relationship with Chad knowing I had basically cheated on him.

But I promised him… I promised Noah I was gonna act like nothing ever happened. And I couldn't possibly break a promise to Noah… that'd make me even more miserable than I am now.

We agreed to pretend it never even happened and we would never tell a soul… I had to beg Noah to not call me or text me ever again. And that next time I'd see him would be at the wedding.

Wedding in which I'll be a bridesmaid…

The sluttiest bridesmaid in the whole world

The door opened softly and Chad was walking with a glass of water and some aspirin, can't believe his sweetness even after my outburst last night. If he only knew I didn't even have a hangover anymore

You don't deserve him, you don't deserve anyone, filthy whore

“oh you're up” he smiled sweetly at me and put the water and the aspiring down on my nightstand

“how are you feeling, V? Hungover?”

I couldn't even look him In the eyes and i just nodded looking down. I lied only to have an excuse to not leave this room.

“I think I'm sick” I whispered and Chad sighed wrapping an arm Around me and hugging me

“what's wrong, baby? What can I do?” he asked trying to find my gaze. I looked at him and the guilt rushed over me over and over again.

“i..i.. Just don't feel very well…” I sighed “I think I just need to lay down for awhile” I lied, hoping he wouldn't go too far asking about it.

“sure, can I stay with you, though? I really wanted to hug you last night but you were mad at me” he sighed and I pursed my lips

“I'm sorry… I overreacted” I said truly sorry and he nodded kissing my cheek cutely

“it's okay babe… I'm sorry for not telling you before, it was a stupid thing to hide” he said stroking my hair

I gave him a faint smile and layed down again. Chad did as well and pulled me in his arms. I stiffened.

“are you okay? You are acting… Weird… “

I try to act a little more normal, I force my body to relax and I hug him the same way I normally would. I close my eyes trying to escape from this moment.

How can people be unfaithful for years and not feel like this every single day?

“would you get mad if I don't come out of the room the whole day? I'm really nauseous and I don't want to end up throwing up in front of all your friends..” I lie, trying to find an excuse to avoid Noah and Tara

“why would I get mad? I'm not a monster” he chuckled kissing my temple. I flinched inside “if you're sick, I understand, you don't have to worry, I'll explain everything to everyone” he said softly and I sighed nodding.

I really hope this guilty feeling leaves my stomach soon. I didn't want to lie to Chad but I also didn't want to ruin Tara's and Noah's wedding.

Chad was hugging me and I was closing my eyes and biting my lip, I felt so uncomfortable, but I didn't want him to notice. I need to get my shit together, if my previous attempts to forget Noah hadn't work out yet, I need them to work now.

I can't just talk to him and cry because we won't be together and kiss, when he is so close to get married.

Facing Chad was already a challenge, I can't imagine what I'll feel when I see Tara. At least Chad is not in love with me…. Tara would be devastated if she knew. I hope Noah can keep his mouth shut.

“Valerie, are you sure you are okay?” Chad presses on.

“yeah, can you stop asking me that?” I snapped, he frowned and sighed. I bit my lip and looked down “sorry, I'm just..”

“hungover?” he asked raising an eyebrow and I sighed nodding. “can I stay here a little bit with you? Last night we couldn't cuddle..” he chuckled and I gave him a faint smile nodding and cuddling into him, closing my eyes. He wrapped his hands around me and I didn't even know how was I gonna go for so long feeling like this.

We stayed like that for awhile, with the time, it became more bearable and i allowed myself to relax in his arms. we even got to sleep a little nap. I was awaken by a soft kiss on my forehead and i fluttered my eyes open seeing Chad smiling softly

“I’ll bring you something to eat, okay? it’s almost noon and you haven’t leave your room” he said softly and i only nodded, I was indeed Starving “I’ll be downstair for awhile getting your food and Tara will come to talk to you, okay? she was dying to talk to you since last night”

My eyes widen and i shake my head quickly “No.. then don’t go downstairs, i don’t want to be alone with Tara” I say quickly. then i realize how suspicious that must sound to him

“C'mon sweetie, it's just Tara” He said chuckling and i bit my lip shaking my head

“i.. “ i sighed “I said some hurtful things last night, i… i’m not ready to face her” i tell chad feeling good with my excuse. He sighs as well

“She's not mad at what you said, she wants to apologize, she wants to make up” He says again and i keep shaking my head

“please chad? not today… i feel already sick and i don’t want to add any extra stress” i lie and he bites his lip before sighing and nodding.

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I'm sorry this came a little late, as I've said I've been a little busy and I was kinda forgetting I had to update.

This was a filler chapter, obviously, since last chapter was already so eventful, hehe

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