𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

iv. THE BAT

THE NEXT day, Icarus watched Steve and Billy who were on the gym basketball court, sitting with Chris. "Harrington, right?" Billy asked Steve. "What do you think he's asking him?" Chris asked as he rubs his hand on his chest, breathing heavily. "I heard you use to run this school. That true? King Steve, they used to call you, huh?" Billy asked as Steve would sometimes look over at Icarus.

"Then you turned bitch." Billy says as he leans closer, also looking at Icarus. "Hey, maybe you should just shut up and just play the game." Steve said and that's when Billy purposely trips him, stealing the ball from him. Billy jumps up and scores a shot and then another player yells, "whoo! That's what I'm talking about! Whoo!"

"Steve?" Icarus also looks over, spotting Nancy at the corner of the gym where the door was. Icarus watched as Steve grabs his towel, walking over. Steve glanced at him once and Icarus sent a sympathetic look before he looks away, watching the students playing as Steve left with Nancy.

"What are you doing here?" Steve asked with his arms crossed. "What do you think?" Nancy asked him, clutching her books close to herself. "Where were you this morning? I missed first period." She says, talking about how he drives her to school everyday. "I figured Jonathan would take you. I had to pick up Rus anyway.." He says.

"What.. what are you talking about?" She asked about his accusation and he scoffs as he looks away. "Jesus, you really can't handle your alcohol. Uh.. You remember going to Tina's party last night, right?" He asked her. "Yes." She says.

"And then what?"

"I remember dancing, and... spilling so much punch. You got mad at me because I was drunk... and then you took me home." She says and he scoffs at her. "No, see, that's where your mind gets a little bit fuzzy. That was your other boyfriend. That was.. that was Jonathan." He explains.

"I don't understand."

"It's pretty simple, Nancy. You were just telling it like it is." He says as he looks away. "What?" She asked. "Uh.. apparently, uh.. we killed Barb and I don't care, because I'm bullshit, and our whole.. our whole relationship ship is bullshit, and... I mean, pretty much everything is just bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Oh, yeah, also, you don't love me and I don't love you, apparently." He says. "I was drunk, Steve. I don't remember any of that." She says right away. "So that makes everything you said.. it's what? Just bullshit, too?" He says. "Yes."

"Well, then tell me."

"Tell you what?" She asked and he looks away but looks back at her. "You love me." He says and she raises her eyebrows. The door opens, Icarus steps out. "Steve. The team is losing without you. They need you." He says and Steve looks over. "Alright.." He says then walks away. "I think that you're bullshit." He says as he walks over. "Everything okay?" Icarus asked as Steve rushed past him. "It's whatever.." He whispers and Icarus glanced at Nancy, then heads inside as well.

Later at home after school, Icarus sat across from his parents once again for supper. "How is school going?" Matthew asked as he sets down his novel when Mary walked over with the food. "Pretty decent.." Icarus answers with and Mary smiles. "Your grades?" She asked and he sighs lowly.

"Got a D on the Math quiz.." He spoke, staring at his plate. "And now he's failing Math. Great." Mary whispers and Matthew sighs. "Can you guys not talk about me like I'm not here?" He says as he looks up, then sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I have to say something. I know, I know, okay, that it's a time where it's not allowed, but I'm gay. You guys need to accept that. Let it happen, let me be, I'm doing fine, I haven't come out, nor have I risked exposing myself... But you guys have to quit talking about me like I have some disease I need to get rid of, or like-like-like I'm a failure because then it makes me confused when you guys treat me like you guys love me.." He said, he sighed, again, looking down.