Together Again ✦ Snily

[chap.4]

Chapter Four: Progress and Hugs
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||Severus||

I stand there sheepishly at her doorstep. I must keep a reminder to myself why I am here, staring down at her with another cold mask on. I want to leave and chicken out, but I'm not one to chicken.

Holy Hippogriffs, she looked horrible. Well she was still perfectly beautiful to me.

Beautiful. I don't know if you can refrain yourself from thinking that again Severus Snape.

Her hair was a mess, her eyes were red and puffy, overall she looked weak.

And Lily didn't seem like she was in a mood to speak with me. But I needed to talk to her. This was hard for her, having lost her husband and almost losing her child.

Part of me is hating myself for letting this happen. If only I hadn't told the Dark Lord the prophecy, and if only I hadn't become a Death Eater. It was the biggest mistake of my life. If only I hadn't been so obsessed with Dark Arts, it wouldn't have ruined my relationship with Lily, and it wouldn't have ruined the relationship I could have had with her.

But another part of me; and it disgusts me, that I think that I'm happy Potter is dead.

Damn it. That sounded horrible when it's worded that way.

What I'm trying to express is that....she is technically not in a relationship right? She's not physically seeing anyone, though mentally she probably is still with James Potter.....

But Lily, I'm mentally and emotionally with you....since we were like 11 years old no biggie..........

I'm such a sick bastard. I disgust myself. I shouldn't be happy that a person is deceased. I should not be happy, because Lily is obviously very hurt and sad and upset.

Though I am happy that I saw her at the Apothecary. If I hadn't stopped her, she probably would've went home sooner, and if she was at home she could've died.

Lily? Dead?

My broken heart sank to my stomach at the very thought. My insides clenched and I painfully looked at her. She must've noticed the emotion I'm showing on my face, because even she softened too.

"I-I'm sorry about your loss. And everything else too..." I trailed off, hoping that the silence will somehow fill in my blanks.

Lily nodded thoughtfully, and looked away. Her hand wiped her eyes and she flicked them back up to me.

"Thank you." Lily said unsteadily.

Seeing her hurt like this, it hurt me too.

"Um, well I'll just go now-"

"Come in Severus."

"Okay." I may have said that too eagerly and too hurriedly, as if I was expecting her to invite me inside. But I wasn't, at all. I was expecting her to slap me or kick me out or shut me away.

I followed her into her home of Godrics Hollow. Merlin, this is where it all happened. The same house where Potter died. The same Potter who picked on me at Hogwarts. The same Potter who called me Snivellus. The same Potter who gave me my most embarrassing days. The same Potter who had stolen my Lily from me. The same Potter who I've always hated, and I honestly still do.

She ushers for me to sit, so I do just that. I sink down onto a blue sofa, that's facing opposite on the blue sofa she is sitting on. The only thing that is separating us was a mahogany coffee table, that had a toppled over tea cup, with one drop of tea dropping to indicate one second.