Doe Eyes ✧ Gotham [1] #Wattys2019

chapter fourteen

PLEASE KEEP COMMENTING YOUR REACTIONS TO THINGS THAT HAPPEN DURING THE CHAPTER AND JUST THE CHAPTER IN GENERAL

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        "Let me go!"

Jane fought against the restraints made by her captures. The guards rolled their eyes as the little girl in their arms thrashed around. She wasn't nearly as strong as she needed to be in order to get out.

Today was Jane's first electroshock therapy session, and she was not excited, clearly. After just a few therapy sessions with Dr. Johnson and the pills, Arkham had decided to try its next solution to fix Jane: electroshock. 

Jane was never good with pain, even though she was basically in a constant state of it throughout her entire life. She had heard of horror stories of electroshock therapy. It could make you into a vegetable and she would never be able to do anything for herself ever again. She had let them do a lot to her, but she drew the line here.

Jane continued to thrash in their arms as they brought her closer to the chair. Dr. Johnson stood in the room patiently, watching all of this occur rather quietly.  He stood with a clipboard right across from the chair. She continued screaming as they constrained her to the chair. She was beyond terrified. 

Now, tied down, Jane looked up at her tormentors, visibly shaking. She felt so sick to her stomach. 

"Now, Jane." Dr. Johnson leaned forward. "We are going to start our electroshock therapy sessions to get rid of the voices and hallucinations your disease gives you. Hopefully with enough trials, something will finally click and your brain will continue on its rightful path."

Hopefully? Jane felt even sicker. These bastards didn't even know whether or not this was going to work!

"No, please no." Jane's voice was soft but audible and extremely desperate. She didn't want this.

The guards brought forward a piece of leather. "Open up." One guard forcefully opened her mouth, while the other shoved it between her top and bottom teeth. 

Oh no, this is happening. 

Once the wires were stuck to Jane's head, Dr. Johnson went closer to the dial. "We'll count down from three, okay?" Jane didn't nod or do anything. She was just focused on not puking from nervousness. "3.......2......1-"

The electricity that was surged through Jane made her black out almost immediately. Jane felt it reach her brain and suddenly she was brought to past memories of times she tried to ignore. The place it brought her to was the first day she became her family's scapegoat. 

It was a random Monday night after one of the circus' shows. They were in Jacksonville, Florida and she was only six, leaving her two older brothers being eight. Their mother was stressed that day. She hadn't gotten nearly as drunk as she was supposed to be and that left her being irritable. 

Six year old Jane made a small mistake as she wiped the dishes her small hands just cleaned: she dropped a mug and shattered it on the ground. Jane looked down at her feet, the mug just missing them. She remembered feeling nervous about her mother's reaction and her nerves were correct. When their mother walked in on her trying to pick up the pieces, shit hit the fan.

Jane could see her mother's face twist into anger. It reminded Jane of the cartoons she periodically watched of adults getting angry and their faces getting red and steam blowing from their ears - and Jane was petrified. Jane's mother walked closer to her only daughter menacingly. "You little shit."

Jane couldn't speak, she couldn't find the courage to answer her mother. Lila got closer to her daughter. "You little mistake couldn't even get washing the dishes right?" 

"M-Mommy.." Jane looked at her feet. She wanted to cry. "I didn't mean to... I-I swear."

"This is the reason I drink, Jane," Her mother told her, ignoring Jane's words. "You are the reason. You are the reason the rest of the circus laughs at us for being low class. You keep fucking up and the rest of us have to pay for it." Her mother's voice got increasingly louder as she screamed at her youngest child. 

Jane's mother grabbed her and slapped her across the face, making little Jane fall to the ground. It wasn't the first time she had hit her - but it was the first where Jane was blamed for everything that went wrong in their lives. The first time Jane felt true hatred for herself in her own heart. The first time Jane realized that she deserved this. She was a bad girl, a mistake. She should have never been born.

Because of the loud commotion, another one of Lila's children came running in. Jane looked over and there stood Jeremiah, their mother's favorite. "Mom! Is everything alright?"

Lila looked down at her daughter and looked back to the only child that didn't bring her shame. "No, Jane was being a bad girl and made me mad." As if the idea just came to her, she looked at her son. "I'm going to drink. Do Mommy a favor and teach your little sister a lesson." Then she stormed out, leaving poor Jane at the mercy of her sadistic big brother.

Jeremiah smiled down at Jane. "Of course, Mother."

Out of her two brothers, Jeremiah was the worst to Jane. Before he was allowed to openly beat her, she was his favorite toy. Jane was his little lab rat that he forced to do anything he wanted and would appoint himself the one to discipline her when she did something wrong - which to him was everything. 

Jeremiah walked closer to his sister, who still laid in the spot from their mother's slap. "Janey, Janey, Janey." Jane hated that nickname and would continue to for the rest of her life because of him. He would forever haunt her nightmares and would reck havoc even after he left their family. 

"Jeremiah, I-I didn't mean it, I swear." Jane hoped in her little optimistic heart that she would able to convince someone in her family of her innocence. It was an honest mistake. She didn't mean to do it. 

He laughed. "Oh Janey, I can't wait to have some fun with you."

Little eight year old Jeremiah reached down and pulled up his little six year old sister. Even for her age, Jane was underweight and very small so it was not a hard task. He then proceed to slam her body into the glass pieces on the floor. The shards of glass pierced into Jane's back, instantly making her cry due to how severe the pain was. Six big pieces of glass had just been stabbed in her back by her own brother. 

"Please stop! Jeremiah!" Her pleas were loud and heart wrenching. She was in so much pain and could feel the blood dripping out. 

He let go of her body and placed his small foot onto her chest, pushing her down further into the glass. As he watched her face twist into pain and her tears start pouring down her face, he smiled. Jeremiah was thrilled that it was him the one was putting her through this. It was what she deserved. 

He looked down at her and spoke in a very simple tone. "You shouldn't have broken the glass."

That night had a lasting impression on the rest of Jane's life. The blood had ended up staining the cheap floor in their trailer, so every day after she would stare at it and be reminded of the night she started to hate herself. From that day forward, Jane knew that every single thing that happened to her was her own fault. She was a mistake that didn't deserve to live. 

Jane awoke feeling shaky from the electro shocks. She hadn't noticed it until then but she had also been sobbing as tears were still pouring down from her eyes. Jane felt just as worthless as she did that night ten years ago. Her will to live was low as she continued to cry from the emotional damage of that night and the reawakened fear of Jeremiah, wherever he may be. 

The guards undid the restraints as Dr. Johnson finished writing notes down on his notebook. When he was done, he leaned forward to the girl. "We'll schedule for another session in the upcoming week."