Doe Eyes ✧ Gotham [1] #Wattys2019

chapter nineteen

PLEASE KEEP COMMENTING YOUR REACTIONS TO THINGS THAT HAPPEN DURING THE CHAPTER AND JUST THE CHAPTER IN GENERAL

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                   Jane was in love. For the first time in her life, she knew what it felt like to love someone and for someone love her back. The name of the person? Laney. Laney treated Jane like no one ever did. She loved her back. She comforted Jane in her most panicked states. And she didn't treat her like a problem. Just the thought of her made her happy. Was this what love really felt like?

Jane sat in the community area at her table, all by herself. Laney was gone for her next round of therapy with Dr. Johnson so Jane was left to her thoughts - happy ones for once. She hadn't taken her meds for a couple of days now. She had decided that she didn't need them anymore and had mastered the technique of hiding them under her tongue and then spitting them out when they left her cell. She hadn't been caught yet.

However, with no drugs, meant voices and the occasional Jerome visit. To his frustration though, Jane, all thanks to Laney, had been able to distract herself and not pay much attention to him, rendering him of his goal of destroying Jane's life once again. 

"What are you smiling about?" 

Jane heard his voice and saw him appear in front of her in the corner of her eye. His tone was one of smugness but deep down she knew he was disappointed at how she was able to move on and save herself. She continued to ignore him, which made him irritated. 

"You're still in Arkham, Jane. You think you've saved yourself but you haven't. You're still locked up with psychos that are just like you."

His attempts were futile; that was obvious to Jane. He wanted a reaction out of her. Well, she was determined not to give her one. But Jerome refused to give up this time.

"I know you still get those dark thoughts to kill someone. I know deep down you want to kill her because you know she's too good for you." Jane's face faltered. He was trying a new attempt, one she was not expecting. Jerome smiled triumphantly once he noticed this. "You're right, you know. She is too good for you. You should just kill her. Get over her and relish in how horrible of a person you are."

Jane's head whipped so fast as she stared at the hallucination of her dead brother. "Shut up, Jerome. You have no idea what you are talking about. I will never kill her. I will never hurt her. I regret everything I've done and finally, something good is happening in my life and I won't let you take her away from me." Her voice got progressively louder when finally she nearly yelled. "My only regret in life is that I wasn't the one to kill you!"

Her brother smiled, as he finally got what he wanted. Jane's face fall. Did she just admit that? She had no clue where that even came from. She had to admit, that feeling was true. So many times in her childhood, she had thoughts of killing her mother and brother for all the things they had done to her but Jane was able to rationalize and suppress those feelings until they didn't exist anymore - Or at least that's what she thought.

The worst part was that she yelled it. When she yelled it, it caught the attention of someone she'd rather hadn't. Theresa Hamilton, also know as Big T in Arkham, was a 25 year old woman who had been here for ten years for killing her entire family, as well as several police officers with a knife. She stood at six feet and was nearly twice the size as Jane. When she overheard Jane yelling at her brother, she stopped and stared at Jane, thinking the threat was for her.

"Did you just threaten to kill me?!" Big T had boomed at little Jane. 

Jane visibly gulped as she stood, trying to calm her down. "N-No, that wasn't for you. I have schizophrenia, it was for a hallucination I swear-"

However, Big T didn't wait for any explantation. She tackled Jane to the ground and pinned her to the ground while screaming. Jane didn't know what to do. She felt so out of place. She had never been in a true fight before. Theresa had immediately started punching Jane over and over again. A crowd had formed around them, screaming and cheering it on. The guards didn't even spare a glance. Jane felt her face swelling as the voices had decided to criticize her once again.

Come on, You're just gonna let her take you?

You're such a wimp. You can do so much better than that.

You can beat her. You have it in you. Just unleash yourself.

Jane was angry. Why was she just letting herself get beaten? The voices were right. So she just let herself free and try to survive. Despite Big T's size, Jane was able to give a good fight as she got punched in the face, hard. Jane used this to her advantage as she kicked Theresa hard in the stomach and switching positions, so it was Jane on top of her. Jane let her natural instincts kick in as she felt her face go emotionless. Before Jane knew what was happening, she had wrapped her hands around Big T's neck and tightened her grip. Jane didn't realize how strong she was as Theresa clawed at Jane's hands. But Jane didn't budge. Her face was kept straight as she put more strength in. Her grip was unmovable. Jane watched as Theresa's face started going red and puffy. 

That's it. Look at what you've done. 

You've stood up for yourself, finally. 

Go tighter. Let's squeeze all the oxygen out of her.

She won't be able to breath properly out of her windpipe ever again after we're done with her.

Jane felt herself smile as she watched Theresa's face turn from a bright red to purple. Jane was the victim in this. She was the one losing. Now, for the first time in her life, she was winning. That's when Jane was pulled off Theresa.

"Hey! What's going on here?" Laney yelled as Big T turned on her side, gasping for oxygen. Jane's eyes widened as she came to the realization of what she had just done. Oh no.. She was going to kill her if Laney didn't get here in time. 

Big T got up from the ground and charged for Jane, screaming. Laney pushed her back. "Hey!" She yelled. "Back off! You lost. Get out of here before I let her finish the job."

Big T glared at Jane as she pushed Laney's hands away from her and stalked off. Laney then turned her attention back to Jane, who was on the verge of tears. "Jane! What happened? You almost killed her."

Jane met Laney's eyes. They weren't angry or judgmental, but concerned. This wasn't the Jane Laney had come to know and love. "I-I... I have no idea." Jane closed her eyes. "One second, she's punching me a-and then the next, I-I'm choking the life out of her."

Laney engulfed Jane in hug, seeing how broken she was. "It's okay, Jane. I'm here. You're okay."

Jane was so lost and confused. But most importantly, she was terrified of herself, terrified of what was inside her and what she was capable of doing. She always thought that the fourteen people she killed was an accident; She wasn't in control and wouldn't have if she was in a clear state. But now, Jane wasn't so sure.

Maybe the voices were right. Maybe Jane really was a killer and always will be.