Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Fifty-One

I stood in the corridor watching as they set up the scene for billies music video. Today I was struggling with my inner demons, today I was fasting. I didn't care if it would kill me. I knew I'd lost weight recently and all I wanted was to be smaller. And smaller. And smaller.

Billie looked tired but she performed well, retaking shots until she was happy with them. I stood around watching with Maggie. Finneas and his girlfriend where off enjoying there time, Finneas was performing tonight so he may be rehearsing.

I watched Billie as she climbed under the bed and the music began to play. I slowly began to feel light headed and realised I needed to get outside to take a break.

"Hey I'm going to go get some air I'll be back in a minute." I said turning to Maggie.

"Everything ok?" Maggie said, concern hinting her voice but not obvious unless you searched for it.

"Yeah!" I smiled a bit to happy as I turned and walked out the room into the corridor and outside.

I sat outside listening to music, I still didn't understand why I felt so much better outside, all I knew was it had something to do with the feeling of being free.

I enjoyed lighting a fag and sitting and watching the people walk past. What where they doing? Where were they going? Watching all the cute dogs that go past, enjoying their walks.

Before long I'd been outside for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside Billie was half way threw her shoot she should be on break soon.

I found somewhere to sit and scroll threw my phone, checking twitter and Instagram.

Before long I heard people yell for break and billie came towards me after talking to some people.

I ignored the smell of her food as she sat down next to me.
She was holding a small bowl of brown rice and mixed grilled veggies.

"Hey guess what" she said and I raised an eyebrow at her, curious as to what she would say.

"we have a day off tomorrow before we shoot more the next day, so it's just me and you tomorrow." She smiled

"Can't wait." I felt happy at the idea of a lazy day in bed with billie.

"You hungry?" She asked

"No." I replied turning back to my phone, my happiness threatening to disappear

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"Baby are you awake?" I heard a voice say, I rolled over in the small tour bus bed to see billie looking back at me.

"Hmmm?" I asked half asleep as I moved closer to her for a hug.

"What do you want to do today?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around me kissing my head.

"Anything." I said

"Anything?" She repeated leaning into my neck kissing it gently, causing me to smile and wake up slightly. "Let's watch a film on Netflix" She continued pulling out her phone.

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BILLIES POV
I lay in bed with lily in my arms watching tv on my phone, I hear my mum walk down the isle as I'm half asleep.

"Billie?" She asked and I turn to face her smiling as best as I can without being fully awake.

"We have pizza for lunch it's up front."

"Ok I'm coming" I say as I sit up scooting out from under lily.

I quickly walk into the front and steal some pizza before turning around to leave

"You not going to stay and eat?" My mum says

"But the beds warm.." I moan rolling my eyes

"Your sitting for dinner."

"Sure." I say heading back to the warmth of the bed

-

LILY PoV.

I wake to the bed being empty, using the empty space I stretch out my unused muscles

"Budge." I hear billie come from out of nowhere, snapping me out of my daze.

I groan and move over to let her in.

I sit up slowly looking at billies phone to see what she's watching before turning to her.

"Good morning." She laughs her mouth full of food.

She hands me a slice of pizza and I don't bother arguing with her I hold it in my finger tips trying to avoid touching it, the oil making me feel sick. I take tiny child like bites, chewing slowly.

Billie finishes 4 slices in the time it takes me to eat 1/4 of one. I get half way threw the slice before pulling all the veggies and vegan cheese off, my brain convincing me that these are just pointless calories I don't need.

I eat 3/4 of the slice before I start to feel sick and put the slice down, I clench and unclench my fists as I listen to my brain remind me of the oil on my fingers.

"How much weight have you lost since tour.." Billie asks watching my hands..

"Not much." I lie.

"Babe.." She doesn't believe me

"Just like.. I don't know just over a stone(14lbs/6.3kg)" I say looking away from her.

"You have to get help when we get home.."

"Ok." I don't want help but I said ok just to end the talk.

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