"Now why don't you be a good girl for daddy and open that pretty little mouth of yours, my darling," he demanded, with my lips coming in contact with his thumb.
A blush creeping onto my cheeks as I began to suck, looking up into his eyes. He gritted...
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WARNING: This chapter includes abusing pills and self harm!
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FOUR IN THE MORNING, on a Monday and I sat wide awake. My mind was running wild, I couldn't think, nor did I want to, since it was all I had been doing since I got off the phone with Stephen, two days ago. No, it wasn't about Stephen, yet I will admit, I debated on texting him later Sunday afternoon or this morning, to ask him if he's okay. Since I didn't hear from him yesterday, not that I was expecting one, but slightly wanted him to text me, just to reassure if he was alright, of course.
But I mostly likely didn't get one, due to the fact that he was hungover or had to work. So I did end up sending him a text earlier, after debating all night, and ended up asking how he's doing, or if he's alright. Which lead me to find out that it's was four in morning. I couldn't believe I sent him a text that early!
And the funny thing is, I really thought that it was nine in the morning. But I still didn't go to bed after finding out it was that early in the morning, because I had plans today, important ones that I wouldn't miss for the world, not even for the fact that I got two hours of sleep, barely even that! But I wasn't just thinking of Stephen, yet he still found a way through the crevasses of my thoughts, but I was worried, anxious, and overall just overwhelmed with seeing my dad for the first time in months! It was going to be awkward, I could already tell. It would probably be more awkward than that dinner with Stephen.
Actually, never mind. It wouldn't. Nothing would beat the anxiousness I experienced that night and how uncomfortable I was and how I felt like I was going to vomit from being so nervous, at least I thought. But soon enough the overwhelming feeling hit my stomach. I swear it fell right down to my knees, as all I wanted to do was puke from anxiousness, mixed with a bit of excitement.
And of course, not getting any sleep didn't help my nausea. But what I feared didn't helped either, being scared of him not showing up, because it was a big chance thats what would happen. But I still held on to hope, even though I should be use to him turning me down. Or not showing up to things, like any of my school functions or the last five birthdays of mine. Or like the extreme devastation I felt on my last two birthdays, he told me we'd hang out, but instead Janet and I did, he wasn't even there! He lied that him and I would hang out, not Janet and I!
All I wanted, was them both to know, that she's not my mom and won't ever be, not even a stepmom to me! So today's a big deal, I finally was having the conversation I've been trying to have for months. With hope that it would allow this guilt that pang in my chest, twenty-four seven to finally go away. But then again, the fears began settling in again! About how I wouldn't want or try to say the things I've been wanting to get off my chest for what felt like ages and I think were. But besides these thoughts, I had been overthinking every minuscule thing, which didn't feel minuscule. Like my outfit.
