Say It

fifteen | part 2

an extension from last chapter. short but needed.

same morning | san fran

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After my intense therapy session with Dr. Warren, Jace wanted to go have breakfast and although I was a bit hesitant, I went anyways. My therapy session made me just want to be in the bed all day and cry.

I loved being challenged, but at the same time, I hated it. I hated the mirror therapy provides. It always shows the ugly in you and it could be a hard pill to swallow if you're not ready.

How is it that just a saying can bring long buried emotions and stir what was settled, or what was thought to be settled? I guess that's why folks say to leave things be, to not go walking into the past so blindly. But what else is there to do when the way forward is the way back?

Perhaps though it is just selfishness to return, to make others feel what was healthier for them to forget?

I could feel eyes on me as I barely touched my food. When I looked up, Jace was looking directly at me with obvious concern in his eyes.

A bit guilty, I tore my eyes away from him and looked back down.

"Are you good?" He asked. "You been quiet."

"Do you have friends?" I sidestepped his question and looked back at him. He looked a bit puzzled and I realized I hadn't worded the question right. "I mean like back at home? Childhood friends?"

"Oh, yeah." He nodded.

I took a sip of my water. "Do you consider yourself loyal to them?"

Jace, without much thought, nodded his head. "Most definitely. We basically grew up together like brothers. We're barred for life."

"What are they doing in life?"

Jace smirked at me. "You askin' alotta questions."

"Just answer the questions, please. I'm trying to see something." I said in a state of unintentional agitation.

He looked at me and I knew my tone had caught him off guard. Placing his fork back on the plate, he sat back in his seat.

"They doin' what they gotta do to make it." He said simply. "Tryna feed their families."

"And you're sure they aren't jealous?"

Jace squinted his eyes at me. "Aight wassup? Where these questions comin' from?"

"Can you just not be difficult?" I asked, sitting back in my own seat and glancing at one of the people passing by the table.

See, there you go being controlling.

"Nah, I'm done answering."

How dare he?

Jace resumed eating, leaving me to just look at him up side his head. He must have lost it. "Really?"

He didn't say anything and I thought about my next move. I needed to see something for myself.

So, I grabbed my purse and stood up from the table. Jace stopped chewing and looked at me in somewhat of a panic. When I took my keys out, I started to walk away from the table and he grabbed my arm.

I looked at him, really looked at him. His eyes were pleading. For what? I wasn't sure.

But whatever it was, Dr. Warren was right about me. And I hadn't realized it until Jace looked at me with the eyes of a little boy.