Stealing Kisses

Chapter 13 (Two Months Later)

Faith POV: 

I lie awake staring at the ceiling, feeling his back against my arm. Every once in a while, I look over toward him, just to make sure the man lying beside me is the same one I married. No matter how tired I am, I will not let myself sleep. 

Early in the night, I witnessed Tim watch his step-father die. I can't risk falling asleep again and seeing something like that once more. I've been trying to avoid it, but my eyelids are fighting me. I slip out of bed, tiptoeing downstairs to the kitchen. I stand at the counter, rubbing my forehead as I try to ignore to churning feeling in my stomach. 

I haven't spoken to Tim in months, but the memories continue to keep him on my mind.  From what I've heard, he's gone a little off the deep end. He's been damn near falling off stages and showing up to parties drunk, all of which makes me nervous for tonight. 

Tonight will be the first time he and I have been in the same room since I took him to the hospital months ago. I'm not sure what to expect, which is terrifying. He's been a complete wildcard, and given that over the last few months he's done nothing but avoid me, I don't know how tonight is going to play out. He might completely ignore me, which would be preferred, or he may pull a stunt. 

I stare at a coffee mug sitting beside the sink, thinking about the coffee mug that was smashed on the floor beside his stepfather, burning hot coffee splashing all over the cabinets and himself as he fell onto his back. I can't get the look in his eyes out of my head. He just watched him struggle to breathe. There was a brief moment where he glanced toward the phone, but he just resumed watching him shortly after. He waited until his eyes rolled back before he leaned down and took his pulse. Then he slowly staggered to the phone, calling an ambulance while seeming to be a completely different person. He sat down on the floor across from him, staring at his now lifeless body, until the medics arrived to pronounce him dead. 

There are pieces of Tim that are so raw and jagged that it's difficult for me to come to terms with it. He's always been this carefree party boy, but when you delve under the surface, there's so much going on beyond that. I have so many questions, but I also know that over the last couple months, my head has gone to a dangerous place. Dan just moved back, and I can't afford to experience one more suggestive conversation with Tim, which could derail all the progress we've made lately. Just because he and I worked in some alternate universe, doesn't mean that he and I would work here. 

But it's so damn hard to say that to myself when I'm seeing images of us together, raising babies and conquering the world. It's odd seeing a glimpse of a life where one person fulfilled so much of me, when I've never felt that. I mean, Dan is great, and I'm happy with the life he and I have built, but I've never felt recklessly in love in the way I appeared to be with Tim. 

I glance at the clock on the stove, sighing, before starting back toward my bed. 

We arrive early, avoiding the red-carpet chaos in favor of more time to rehearse. My make-up team struggles to apply eyeliner and lipstick while I quietly repeat the lyrics to my latest single to myself. Dan watches me from a distance, anxiously glancing at his watch every few moments. I glance his way, feeling my concentration drift from the lyrics. I catch myself losing focus, and try to jump back into the lyrics, but I lose my place, making my chest ache with worry. 

I stand up, causing my makeup artist to step away for a moment. Everyone watches me, before I stagger into the hall for a breather. I shut the door behind me and walk down a series of halls, trying to find one that feels desolate enough to unwind in. 

I turn a corner, before feeling myself slam into someone like hitting a brick wall. He steps back, as I glance up at him, feeling a little shocked. He looks at me, before scratching the back of his neck. He opens his mouth to speak, but instead just shakes his head, and continues down the hall. I watch him walk away, a sick feeling feeling my stomach. I bite my lip, before turning to walk down the hall, away from where Tim's rushing off to.