Stealing Kisses

Chapter 32

Tim POV: 

We walk into my house, at a loss for words. She is wrapped in the picnic blanket, her hair still wet from the water. She staggers inside, placing her hand on the counter as she looks at the tall floor to ceiling windows. She stares for a moment, knocking a knuckle on the counter, before turning toward me. 

"Shower?" She spits out, as I motion toward the stairs. 

"You can go ahead and use mine." I say as she forces a smile. She wanders to the stairs, still clinging to the blanket. "Feel free to borrow some clothes too." I add, watching her disappear upstairs. I feel my hands shake, as I struggle to process what happened. From the moment she jumped in, I couldn't breathe. Then to see her so frantic in the water... it was terrifying. 

I walk toward my liquor cabinet, reaching for the whiskey, but pulling my hand back. Wine would probably be the right fit for a date, although ours is going off the rails. I grab it, before feeling my chest ache. 

Faith hugs a bottle of red wine, tears rushing down her cheeks as she sits on the deck. I step outside, causing her to quickly wipe away her tears, in an effort to conceal them. I sit on the end of her lounge chair, running my hand up her calf in an effort to comfort her. She places a hand on her forehead, before sliding it down to her mouth. 

"She was so scared." She says through her fingers. I nod slowly, taking a deep breath. I know I have to coax the bottle away from her, although it seems to be pacifying her. She leans back, pulling her knees toward her chest. "She wanted me to help her so badly, and I just..." She stops, staring down at my chest. "I froze... I just froze." She says, before placing the bottle to her mouth and drinking straight from it. 

"Faith, she's a grown woman. She made her choices, just like you've made yours. You can't blame yourself for –" I try to reassure her, but she shakes her head. 

"She's physically a grown woman but she has no clue of how to protect herself. She just lets people demolish her... and then turns to drugs and whatever she can get her hands on to cope. That's not on her, Tim." Faith pipes out, shaking as she squeezes the bottle so tight it may cave in. I lean back a little, trying to take a moment to think through my next response carefully. 

"You're right, but that still doesn't mean it was your fault."  As Faith shuts her eyes. I can see the guilt covering every inch of her skin, like she's tied up in a thorns. She rests her foot against my leg gently, in a likely subconscious motion, as if she needed to reassure herself that someone else was there. 

"My dad used to molest her. Did you know that?" She lets out, making me wince. "He'd beat her so badly that she couldn't move, and I always thought it was because she was disobeying... but it was because she wasn't me. They thought I was the golden child, and kept me sheltered while they just..." She cries, before having to catch her breath. "I thought my past was hell, but they were actually treating me so much better than they ever..." She stops once more, placing her hand on her chest. I watch her carefully, trying to figure out if I need to cut this conversation short to keep her from spiraling. 

"Babe, why don't we go inside?" I release gently, as she looks out toward the hills. I reach for her hand, wrapping my fingers up in hers, but she still doesn't look my way. 

"She was trying to protect me from the monsters, and I wrote her off as one in the process..." She lets out under her breath. She glances down at the bottle in her lap, before taking another drink. "And the one time I try to help her, the state takes away her kids? I mean, how fucked up is that?" She lets out, monstrous tears building up in her eyes. She goes to take another drink, before I give her hand a squeeze. 

"Let's cork the bottle for tonight and head to bed, alright?" I suggest a little firmer, as she stares at me. 

"Do you think the girls would ever..." She starts, as I stand up, knowing this conversation is about to plummet into a place that's not worth visiting. 

"Come on." I let out, reaching a hand out toward her. She continues to look out at the hills, before tears start rushing down her cheeks. I kneel down in front of her, grabbing onto her hand. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about your sister and your parents. You can't change the past, although I wish we could. You have to think about what you have now... The three beautiful girls upstairs, your career... and you have to be thankful for what's going on right now, instead of the terrible things that happened in your past." I say, watching her nod slowly. She grips tightly to my hand before standing and following me inside. 

I nearly drop the bottle, catching it just before it hits the counter. I take a deep breath, before glancing toward the stairs. I can hear the shower running, and her humming. Part of me is tempted to go up after her, but I sit myself at the counter instead, sorting through my thoughts. 

At this point in my life, I would've been with her for a little over a decade. We'd have a ten year old, a nine year old, and a five year old... Three kids... I would've been a father to three children right now. I would've been waking up beside Faith for the tenth year in a row, focusing my life on soccer games and lacrosse practices instead of press tours and studio sessions. It's astounding to picture the parallel between there and here. If I had a choice, and I know I don't, I'd be there... with the three kids, SUV, and her... 

I'd choose her.... I'd choose Faith.