Please Notice Me || Jungkook

- 20 -

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The café has closed for a while now and it’s past 10PM on a Saturday. I sit at one of the chairs in the room, looking out the street, in a daze.

I feel so lost. The past week, I had to control my emotions almost every moment cuz he was there. Just the plain sight of him makes my heart ache. It’s too hard. I’ve never had it harder in life. Money problems don’t weigh against heart problems. And now realize why there are so many cases of depression related to love problems. If you work hard and have the right outlook in life, you could earn enough. But it seriously doesn’t apply to the matters of the heart. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, if the other person doesn’t love you back, there’s no hope. There’s nothing you can do but drown in your own sorrows.

Out of nowhere, I find myself crying again. Jungkook is still all that’s in my head right now. I can’t even think of anything else. “I just wanted him to love me back… Even for a moment… I just…” I break down in tears again. I feel like going crazy.

Yoongi, who’s still busy at the counter sees me crying and walks over me. He sits with me as I drown myself in tears and gives me a hug. I know I look pathetic. I’m such a loser right now. It’s been weeks, but I’m still like this. Why did I have to fall in love with him so bad? I knew from the start that it’s useless and impossible, that I don’t have a tiny bit of chance with him. And I had myself ready for this. But why? Why does it have to hurt like hell this way? I don't understand!

“y/n…” he mumbles my name. “I can’t see you like this. Come on, snap out of it.”

I don’t really get it why he just said that but he tilts my face up and looks into my eyes as he bumps his forehead with me gently. His face grief-ridden, as if sympathizing with me. Then without word, he shoves in to kiss me.

Yoongi is kissing me. Wait, he’s kissing me? I push him away for a moment, eyes widened at him.

“You just—“

“I did. And this time I won’t take it back,” all sincerity loaded in his eyes.

“What?”

“I like you y/n.”

“Sunbae… you have a girl-“

“I lied. I was lying all this time. It’s so you would feel at ease with me. It's so I can be with you.”

I’m speechless but I still feel safe with him.

"I'm here for you y/n."

That moment, I just felt like hugging him while tears unstoppably fall from my eyes. “Sunbae…”

I feel his arms wrap around me softly and I hear him say, “Just cry it all out. I’m just here.”

With that, I let it all go, crying like a child in Yoongi’s arms. Jungkook was never the one for me. I knew that from the start. But it still hurts so bad. Spending a moment of heaven with him was the happiest in my life but after all that is this hell. I don’t know if I can recover. I just want it all to fade away. I just want to lose every memory of him.

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Forgetting Jungkook became my top priority. All thanks to Yoongi for cheering me up all this time. For two months, I depended on him like a lost sheep. I know it looks like I’m using him, but it’s not like that. I want to learn to like him. I want to learn to love him, that was what I’ve been thinking about all this time. Cuz in the end I realized, I never deserved Jungkook and he never deserved me.

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I look over my shoulder glancing at Yoongi. He’s brewing an espresso for a customer and he looks so calm and cool. He never mentioned about that night again. That night he kissed me and said he liked me. And I haven’t opened up about it either. We worked together everyday like it didn’t happen. But he said he won’t take it back so I assume he’s expecting that I got his message right.

“Espresso done,” he turns to me and puts the espresso on the tray before me.

I just smile at him saying, “You’re working hard. Fighting sunbae.”

“Just get this to the customer and stop idling down,” he told me. “Your pay for the month’s still with me, don’t forget.”

“Ye…”

I lift the tray up and makes a turn to deliver it when he said, “And don’t forget to smile y/n.”

I smile at him and walk on. Even though he feels something for me, he still hasn’t changed. He’s still the best sunbae. And I’m really thankful for that. I was drowning in my pain and he was there all this time to support me, not asking for anything, not demanding anything. I wonder what I can do for him in return? I know I cannot love him back right now, but I can still do something for him right? I look over Yoongi at the counter as he serves a customer ordering for take-out and wonder what it would take to make him happy. I really wonder.

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To be continued…

- nantokanarusa 19.03.17