Haven, Withstanding -The Traveler Series ✔

Chapter 15 - Haven

Going home was easy. Walking through my front door was easy. But actually being in my house was not so easy. Aunt Doris and Kara were there for a while, helping me carry all my Get Well gifts inside.

Jesus.

There were a lot.

But as I found places for all of them within my home, I couldnt help but wonder if I would have received so many if people had known the truth of the accident. I caressed a leaf from a potted plant within my fingers. It was soft like fealt. Something I definitely would never have picked out myself for my house. But I sat it by the window anyway, praying it would survive. I wasnt good at keeping plants alive. If we wanted to be honest here, I apparently wasnt good at keeping anything alive.

I avoided looking at the picture frames that lined the walls and adorned the mantel. I knew the heartache I would find there and I couldnt deal with it right now. I didnt want to break down infront of Kara and Doris.

"Heres the last one," Kara said joyfully as she handed me a stuffed bear. It was different than the rest. It was white, with longer fur. I petted the top of its head. It was soft, with black eyes and a tiny black nose. The mouth was turned upwards and its legs were a little longer than its arms. It didnt hold a "Get Well" sign. It didnt have a bandaid on its head or a taped arm or a thermometer in its mouth like the others. It was just a plain bear, with a simple blue ribbon around its neck. I pulled the small card from where it had been attached to the bears bottom, obviously in an attempt to prop the bear into a sitting position on a shelf or something. Opening the card, I skimmed over the scribbled words.

A teddy bear helped when I was younger. I hope it can give you the same comfort and solace it provided me.
-Love, Ethan

I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I fell into the couch, clutching the bear in my arms like a small petulant little girl. All alone in the world, other than her silly teddy bear she drags around with her everywhere. Kara sat down beside me, wrapping an arm around me and allowing me to lean on her for support. The surprise and thoughtfulness of this bear was touching.

Ethan had known how hard the house was going to be for me to live in, by myself, without Nash. I wasnt prepared for it. I knew I wanted to sleep in my own bed, but I hadnt thought of how empty it would feel without Nash. How, eventually, I would realize he wasnt out with friends, he wasnt at work, he didnt just run down the street to pick up something real quick... he wasnt coming back. He was never coming back. And in the middle of the night, while everyone else was asleep, while everyone was holding their loved one and dreaming happily about a future, I would be clutching a pillow, devoid of its owner. This bear wasnt meant as a Get Well Soon gift. It was a Hail Mary gift. Something to hold tight to during the storm. It was meant to comfort me in my loneliest hours, when no one else was by my side. When no one else was around to listen to my pain, this bear would be. This bear would never leave me. Never judge me. Never claim everything would be alright. He was there for one reason and one reason only--to take on my fears and allow my tears to flow without perspicacity. And Ethan was the only one to think of such a meaningful gift.

Kara and Doris sat patiently for my tears to subside. Waiting for an explanation. And when my tears did finally slow, all I could do was hand them the card and keep my arms tightly around that bear. "Oh my," Doris gasped, immediately placing her hand on her heart as she read the written message on the card. From over her shoulder, Kara grinned, "Aw, Dr. Sexy loves you!" she teased. Doris shot her a disapproving glare. "What?" Kara asked, genuinely surprised at her reaction.