Accidental Happiness

How Long Have you Known? (4)

When we get back, everyone is in a state of euphoria, I excuse myself saying I don't feel too well and go straight to my room. Jace is going to be head of the institute, my mind is going into overdrive, he's going to be so busy which means he won't have time for me, and he definitely won't have time for a baby. I start to panic, what is he going to say, how is he going to react; he's been wanting to be head for so long and now he is, but this will change everything, we're only 18, I'm holding him back from everything he had wanted. So many questions are bouncing around my head: do I leave? Get rid of it? No, I can't do that; I already love my little baby. I can't hide this forever and I need to tell him.

Jace comes into the room pulling me out of my thoughts, "Hey babe, what's up?"
"Nothing, what's up with you, should I start calling you boss now?" I try to act normal, like a normal 18-year-old, and Jace is too excited to even notice something may be wrong. He starts rambling on about how he's having a party to celebrate, and I just can't take it, I can't listen to him ramble on, and on about how great our life is going to be and how much responsibility he will have in the institute. Little does he know; he has a lot more responsibility than he thinks.

"And I'm going to call a meeting as soon as this trip is over and I'm- Babe? Are you even listening to me? "
"I'm pregnant." As soon as I tell him I regret it, I could have chosen the right words, but I didn't, silly old me just blurts it out.
"You're... pregnant? How long have you known?"
"Since I passed out that day in the institute, I'm so sorry." I have tears rolling down my face.
"That long?? Why didn't you tell me? How could you be so stupid Clary?"
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know what to do, I thought I was going to ruin everything, I was going to tell you when we got back but then you got the promotion and I couldn't take it, I had to tell you. I'm sorry." He's not saying anything and its making me more anxious, "What are you thinking?" I have to ask him eventually,
"You should've told me when you found out." Then he walks out.

I just curl up on the bed and sob, I have ruined everything, he has left- I'm pregnant, and he left. I have so many feelings and I just don't know what to do. I'm happy that I'm pregnant, but I'm annoyed that I'm pregnant so young. I'm confused what to do and I'm angry at Jace. But most of all, I'm jealous. Jealous that he can walk away from this, but I can't. I'm stuck.
"Clary? Clary are you okay? You sound like you're crying."
"Ye Izzy, I'm fine. Just a little unwell." Izzy leaves, knowing what I am like when I'm upset, and I am grateful that we have this understanding of each other.

Once I am a lot calmer, and look less like a nervous wreck, I go downstairs and explain to Alec that I'm going to head back to the institute because of my fight with Jace, it takes me half an hour to convince him it's necessary for me to go and he walks me to the portals in the consul to make arrangements for me to go back. Two hours later, I'm on my way back home. I just need my own space to figure out what I am going to do. What me and my baby are going to do.