Accidental Happiness

Hormones (12)

Today is my three week scan, the first time I get to see my baby. Jace has an important meeting so I don't think hell be able to make it so its just me. He really didn't want to miss it but I told him it was for the safety of my baby so he reluctantly agreed. I only had to travel as far as the infirmary for the scan but sitting in the room waiting for the nurse to come in is nerve wracking. We only wait ten minutes for nurse Mae to come in but it feels like hours,
"Morning Clary, how're we feeling today? Pop up on the bed and lift your shirt up for me." There are many upgrades on modern technology within the Shadow world, but I've asked if we can do my pregnancy the way mundanes do them, the way my mum would've done it; I feel like there would be something magical about doing this one thing the mundane way. "This may be quite cold," Mae puts some gel on me and moves the wand around my flat stomach, it takes a while but then I see it, a tiny little dot on the screen, a lot smaller than I expected, she zooms in on my baby and I realised that I cannot love anything more. No matter how awful this pregnancy is making me feel, I would do it 10 times over for my baby.
"Can I have a picture please? As many as you can give me, so I can show Jace." I really wished he was here, I understand his commitments but he isn't here to see our baby. The nurse hands me a tissue for the tears I didn't realise I was shedding, I am just so happy that my baby is okay.

The first appointment seemed to fly by, I heard my babies heartbeat and got a recording of it so I can show Jace, I got given vitamins for my morning sickness and a ton of pictures of my little baby, according to the scan, little dot is due on the 12th of May, that means that in a months time, I can find out wether my baby actually is a girl like Jace thinks. After leaving the infirmary, I am exhausted, I feel like I have done a days work even though its only 11am, I organised with Izzy that I was going to meet up with her to show her the pictures of baby before Jace got home from his meeting so I head into the training room too where she is. As soon as she sees me she drops what she's doing and squeals in excitement,
"I'm so happy for you you know Clary. You have both been through so much, and now look at you- you're starting a family, you're getting married. You both look so happy, admittedly you look like crap at the minute, but you look happy." We both laugh,
"Thanks Iz, I am so happy, I really am. it's just that, you know, Jace. He's so absent, he missed our appointment today, he is gone when I wake up, and he's not there when I go to sleep. I just miss him, I love him, but I miss having him all to me." I am crying... again. All these hormones are driving me crazy. "I sound so silly. Just ignore me, I'm all over the place." Someone walks in and I quickly wipe away my tears,
"Izzy, someone is on the phone for you, says it's important. Something about Alicante I think."
"Tell them I'm busy, I'll ring them back."
"Izzy, just go, it's important. Its only hormones I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" I nod, hoping that she'd stay but I understand it's important, there always seems to be something important going on around here that no-one is telling me.