Heathers One-shots

Regrets

At a nightsky, the streets were dimly lit. There was barely anyone left roaming around the area. Just right the corner was an old park where memories lived and continued to relive. The swings that used to be full of life seemed so dark and dull. The slides that radiated warmth felt like ice of loneliness. The traces of childhood memories were the only thing left that made this place a unique oasis.

I stared at the all-too familiar paradise. This was where I made my first friends, rode my first bike, and talked about my first crush. Smiling faces of young children around my age shone in front if me like a phantom shadow with happiness as its aura.

My chest tightened as I stared into the shadowed and empty bench near the tree where I climbed up and above. The voice of my best friend screaming at me to help him up made me chuckle to myself. The next thing I knew, we fell down to the ground with me crying and him laughing at me for being too conceited.

My feet shuffled around and felt the soft sand as I take each step. Eyes wandering off to a closer distance, I could see the old circle of children laughing and making sand castles. The sight of failed ones were beautifully imperfect while successful ones were almost the same as each other, strong and graceful.

I then turned my head around and nostalgia hit me like a car accident. A beautiful face showed up in my head with neat hair strands flowing in the wind. Each step closer meant my heart beating faster.

Then I met her eyes. Right, her glittering warm eyes under the sun seemed like diamond and gold twisting and swirling to form irises. The beauty on her face matched with her sweet lips curved to a smile never failed to make my jaw drop.

Heather McNamara was her name. A girl with overflowing radiance, a God-given heart of gold and neverending beauty. Ever since we were young I never wanted to be apart from her.

The thought of her made me clench my jaw tightly and glare at the tree beside me. I didn't want to think about it anymore, that was the reason why I ran as far as I could. Even though I was at fault, even though I deserved this, I wondered why my heart feels like its been wrapped around by thorns of withering roses.

Not only that, the most important person in Westerberg is now gone. She was dead. The great Heather Chandler was dead. I do care too, but I'm not so sure anymore if I feel bad for her. All of the times we got along vanished and instead got replaced with memories of her mocking and harassing me.

But she's not the only Heather who had her downfall.

The other Heather almost died all because of me. Heather McNamara cried and tried to take her own life because of a sudden explosion of temper I threw at her. The only one who has been a great friend to me as long as I can remember.

My stomach churned and twisted when I remembered it. How much of a fool have I been these past few years? Even I couldn't understand myself anymore, everything was so blurry and heavy in my eyes. So messed up to the point that maybe right now I'm beyond help.

I grabbed the nearest thing I could hold on to in this dark place. My hands touched cold metallic chains which moved quickly. Trying to get a closer look at it, I just noticed that I was now in front of a swing. My body felt so heavy at this point that I couldn't help but throw myself on the swing.

The rusty chains made an uncomfortable yet calming sound. That didn't make much sense, but it somehow made me feel at ease. Memories of my classmates racing against time just to get to the swing rushed to my mind. I would always trip myself and Heather would always help me up.

My gaze was now fixated back to reality. There was no way I could go back to the way it was, no matter how I hoped and hoped all these years. My cheery personality only became bitchy and I know that more than anyone. The pressures of today made my tomorrow a fuzzy breeze of light.

I slowly stood up from the swing. There wasn't anyway I could take back my words. She wouldn't forgive me easily, Veronica probably wouldn't as well. In the end I'm always messing up the only things that remains of me.

But that shouldn't mean I lost all hope.

My heart beats faster now that I thought about it. I should do something, after all, this wasn't the way I planned. I could still do something to change that, right? Just when I started to leave the playground, my eyes widened. My chest was now vibrating loud and clear.

A foot shifted to the side.

"Heather, wait!"

I wasn't sure if it was my voice or my desperation. Seeing the scared look on the reflection of her eyes, my mind didn't bother rethinking my decisions. I immediately took a grip of her wrist before she can use her athletic legs and run away.

She looked at me as if I was a threat instead of a friend. Although that somehow gave me a sting, I know that she had the right to scream right now. My lips reluctantly opened yet my voice held back. I don't know what to say.

"Heather, I'm sorry."

Was that really it? Was that all I could say? Her wavering brown eyes told me the same thing.

"I was being a bitch. More than usual. And you didn't ever deserve to get bitched at... not even she should do that."

I could see her mouth a timid "thanks." But I knew I wasn't reaching her yet. My feelings weren't getting through.

"I.. It was stupid of me. The thing about the lifeboat and everything, I understood what you meant. I understood so much it scared me. I thought I would be thrown out as well- I though they wouldn't care about a bitch like me- I thought I could lose it all-" I could only bite my lip. I can't lose control now.

"..And I let my fear get through the best of me. That's why I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I haven't been a good friend recently."

Heather looked at me without any words being replied back. My feelings were all over the place and I know that I didn't have the courage to say it all. If I let her know the deepest meanings, everything would escape my touch.

And I didn't want that.

So I let her go.

"I'm sorry." My voice cracked for a second. I shouldn't show my weakness but I guess she takes out every part of me. "You can go now. You don't have to forgive me."

For the last time, I looked at her. She didn't move at all and had the same shocked expression on her face. What could I expect? Everything to go as smoothly as I wanted it to be? Being naive really is dangerous.

I then turned my head back to the playground. Maybe I should stop hoping for anything to get better. Getting my hopes up always let me down after all. The corner of my lips turned to a smile. It felt so heavy and painful.

Just when I was walking away, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me.

"I'm sorry too. Can we talk?"

At that moment, my smile felt more sincere and light.