Boundless

제 29 장

         I sat in the closet staring at the silver pistol , heavy and gleaming in the dull lightning. Rage built up inside of me, as I struggled to stand up. I held my back as I stand firmly on my knees, gun in my hand, charging for the door. " Jae! Jae where are you?" I yelled searching the hall for him. " I'm in here" I hear him say from behind me. I turned on my heel , waving the gun above me. " What the hell are you doing with that, give that to me" He grabs the gun from my hands.

" Why is there a gun in our closet?"

" For our safety my love" He says walking back into our bedroom. I followed behind him. " Jae, what are you? Crazy? Are you a gangster? Why do you have a gun? Are you out of your mind?" Jae sighs in frustration. " I'm not going out and shooting people Athena." I scoffed, "Where the hell did you even get a gun from?" He ignores me and places the gun back in the shoe box. " Jae, get that out of here. Are you serious right now?" I spun him around so that his attention was towards me. He rolls his eyes and tuns his hands down his face.

" I got this gun to protect us, incase something like that ever happens to us again"

" You told me I wouldn't have to go through that again Jae. Why do you need a gun if that was true? Why Jae?"  He turned sharply.

" You fucking tell me! I am just trying to protect our family! What is so wrong about that! Do you know how much that day haunts me?" Jae never yelled at me. Maybe it was the baby, but his tone unsettled me. I bit my lips, " Why are you yelling at me? Don't you think that day haunts me too, having a gun doesn't make you strong, it makes you weak" I spat, my voice shaking.

He never swore. He never yelled at me either.

" Athena..." He spoke softly to me now. I turned my back on him. " I see a change in you Jae. Before I give birth you better snap out of it" I walked away from him and he follows behind me. " Athena I'm not getting rid of the gun" He says firmly. I stood still and I placed my hand on my stomach. I turned around so that I was looking directly into his eyes. " Either get rid of the gun, or I'm not staying here" I say just as prompt and firm as him.

" Athena, don't do this to me right now, you don't understand. I am holding it just in case of an emergency. I'm not gonna run to it every-time there is trouble." He explains and I just ignore him. " I said what I said" is all the words that I managed. Jae Eun was terrified. He was to terrified that he is now not only terrified but paranoid as well. I understood very well what his intentions were, but I definitely was not for it.

•. •. •

Ms.Park folded a mint green blanket and placed it inside of the baby's cradle. The color matched the items in hospital bag, prepared for the next two months. Ms.Park helped me get ready, and prepares me for that moment, so that I won't panic, no matter how terrified. Jae Eun was not exactly my best buddy at the moment. We fussed about the gun again before we went to bed, and he abruptly got out of bed and went in his office all night until around one in the morning. I hadn't slept until I heard the soft hums from his snores. We never argued that way, and it was quite scary.

I hated arguing with my husband.

He hadn't said much to me, and I haven't said much to him. It hurts and I wish he'd just get rid of the gun. Ms.Park and I left the nursery and came downstairs into the living room. Jae was seated, scanning through packets of papers that sat on the coffee table. I took a seat on the single seater and his mother sat next him. " Son, the baby is almost here. You must be trying to get a-lot finished before then" He doesn't look up from his papers. " That, and I want to be home, just incase anything happens" He answers, and I roll my eyes.

"Paranoid" I muttered and he looked up at me from the papers. Jae stood up abruptly and his mother pulled him back down. " Come on you two. Let's not act like children. You need to fix this before that baby comes, and you need to resume this relationship. You are only pausing every moment that is precious and rewinding it when you start. Do you two understand what I'm saying?" She exclaims and I nodded subtly.

" Jae Eun has a gun Ms.Park, and I'd rather him get rid of it than to keep it here" I tell her and he laughs at me.  " See you clearly don't understand what I do for us to be safe. You say you do but clearly you don't" He protests and I squint in distaste. " Jae, do you understand the lengths of having gun? One mistake can ruin our entire lives. When you weld a gun, someone can get hurt really badly. If you cannot even prove to me that you are capable of protecting us without having a gun, I don't think I can stay here" My words were firm and hurtful. It was all I can say to him.

His mother shifted uncomfortably, and I'm sorry she had to hear me threaten our relationship in front of her son. Jae stands taller and stands in-front of me. " You don't have to do that Athena. Alright? I can protect us, and I will. I'll get rid of the gun, and I will prove my strength to you"

" You don't have to prove anything to me. I just want my husband back to his old self." I say with pleading eyes. He holds my hands and sighed. " I'm sorry. I love you so much" He tells me placing a palm on my cheek. "I love you too, and you know what?"

"What?"

"You'll be a great father" , He smiles at this, and brings his lips to mine. His mother made a sound of displeasure and a deep and throaty laugh sounded from him. A sound that gave me great relief.