a Fence of Courage

Weed and munchies

"Xiomara?" His voice held need the way it did when I was little after he'd missed my babyhood. I gave him my usual kiss on the cheek and grabbed my backpack, "hey dad you look like you could use some real food" which was true, he looked like he'd had things on his mind other then food. Computer programming for a living and design, (whatever he studied the first year and a half of my life) he and mom only cook when it's their week for me. But we ordered a pizza and in an hour we were smoking weed and downing whatever food he'd missed this week. That's the thing about my parents, they didn't over shelter me, everything in moderation and if I was ready. Dad glanced at my phone when it went off again, Lance. "When is that boy planning on meeting me?" Oops. Hadn't really thought about Lance meeting mom or dad. Did I wanna risk them not liking him? Would they wonder about him possibly taking my virginity? They wouldn't be totally wrong. Lance wanted to have sex, but I was scared. That's how my parents had me, the "surprise". Sex makes babies. That's all I've ever really known, to scared to finally experience it and then possibly get pregnant like my mom did, unready. And maybe I'll never be ready. Maybe I don't want kids at all? Maybe I do want kids, but maybe not with Lance? He's felt me up, seen me naked, touched me in that place he believes he's meant to be inside, but I've never let us go all the way.