From Fall to Winter

Chapter 2

I've started to piece together that Angela's absence after London could be due to her infatuation with Cillian. I've been on both ends of an unbalanced relationship. I've neglected my friends once, and never did again. I've found myself the last priority amongst her relationships. You know. Ignored 24/7 until a problem arises and you're suddenly the go to gal pal. As if there wasn't any emotional disconnect before it. As if days didn't go by without asking how you are or a simple hi. Spoken to as if it was your job. Do you even care? You care about your friend. Right? You want the best for her. Does she want the best for you. Does it take effort for you to cross her mind?

Angela was once my best friend, but I feel our friendship weaning away quick. It's even worse because I feel like time goes by so slowly. And when I look at her, she's slowly chipping away.

I had a small job working at the English department's office. I was a history major. History was my second choice. I wanted to do film but the way finances and my parents are set up, it wasn't possible. They wanted me to study a science. I rebutted with a whole speech about how history is technically a science.

I tapped my pen rhythmically on my desk. Something Tammy in the desk across from me, would glare at me for. It would annoy me too. A student studying social work once told me it's a textbook anxiety thing. I looked across to Tammy's empty chair. Who fucking names their kid Tammy?

I looked to my side to windows that took up all the wall space. God I really had nothing to do as of now. I looked to the transparent walls on the other side that gave us a nice view of the narrow hallways. Pretty busy out there. I saw the regular students. An old professor I had in my first year. Another new guy. Probably a new adjunct- wait no. I felt I stared at him long enough where quickly turned my head again to the windows. I tilted my head awkwardly so my hair would hang and cover my face. After a minute or so I turned around to see If he was still there. No thank god. I didn't really want to participate in that awkward small talk centered around the mutual Angela.

"What's got you so jittery?"

I jumped in my seat and hit my knee on my desk. I winced in pain.

I looked up at Tammy who sloppily handed me a coffee from the cart outside.

"My lack of coffee."

Probably my third cup today.

A student came in and spoke to Tammy who was only getting settled in her desk. Was I really that unapproachable?

I left that office around 4 and got some food. Some cheap halal food that would destroy my insides by tomorrow. And went to my class- 20th century Latin America. I've only been in here a few times. Hard to read the environment. A lot of white kids with ignorant questions. My professor was a semi attractive Dominican man. Who am I kidding he was attractive. But I need to feel his teaching style to get a proper opinion on him.

My mind was blank. I was just copying the board. Staring at uh, Professor Valdez? Maybe that was it. He has a nice built. Dresses nicely. Probably should zip his fly up more. Does he do it on purpose? Am I objectifying him right now. Maybe if I look at him he'll look at me. I looked up at him. He scanned the room and made eye contact with me for a quick second. I looked down. That was scary. Never doing that again.

"Lucía."

I did the jumping thing again. Everyone was getting out of their seat. Class was over.

"Steven", he called. I looked at him. He was handing out last weeks paper. I gathered my things quickly and got on the line of students waiting to get their papers.

"Uh, Lucia", I told him.

"Ok Lucía."

I liked his pronunciation better. Loo-See-Ah. He shuffled through the papers and pulled out mine.

"This was my favorite. Good job." He flashed me a smile.

"Thank you."

See in my head I was ecstatic. In reality I probably gave him a half grin for that high praise. I really couldn't differentiate my inner and outside emotions around people.

When I walked out of the room and was clear from anyone I had a big smile. I read the big red A on my paper. I looked through his comments he made through out it. Every one made me feel good about myself. A little smarter. I was waiting for the elevator  at this point. He wrote a nice little paragraph in the back of my paper. I walked in the elevator as soon as it came.

Well done! I really enjoyed this. Your knowledge of Marxist movements in South America are on full display here. I particularly enjoyed your inclusion of-

"Lucia?"

I looked up straight to the elevator doors closing in front of me. Not Lucia. Not Lucía. But Leew-Shah. Shit.

I turned to my side to see him with those big blue crystal eyes she spoke of.

"Hey."