From Fall to Winter

Chapter 6

A week passed. No calls from Angela nor Cillian. I saw him once in school but he zoomed past me. I had a feeling she knew. She wasn't talking to me, but she has ignored me for times before. What if she's so angry with me and she doesn't want to talk to me ever? What if she's waiting to confront me. What would I even say.

Ive retreated back to my usual antisocial and odd behavior. Adam was starting to pick up on it. From people like Des, Tammy, or my parents, this was nothing to be too concerned about. But to Adam, who's role was to be responsible for my emotions, this was concerning.

Des keeps telling me to go back Dr. Gould. Her and my mom are the only ones who know about him. Was I really getting that bad?

I've been in bed all day. My clothes were still in the laundry basket unfolded. Books and used tissues scattered on my bed. The phone rang. I reached over to my CD player to pay some music to drown out the tv in the living room and phone.

"It's for you", Des yelled.

I obnoxiously grunted as I unwrapped myself from my blanket and walked to the phone Des left on the table.

"Yes?"

"Heeyyy." Her singsong voice made my ears bleed.

"Hi", I said monotonously.

"Me and Cillian are having movie night tonight but he insisted that you should come."

"Why?"

"I don't know he picked the movie. He said it's called Trainspotting and that you'd like it."

I've heard of it but never seen it. I know it's about Scottish heroin addicts that's all. I wanted to see it but that summer it came out was the worst summer of all summers. One that no one that knows wants to talk about.

"Yeah I'll come. Can I bring Adam?"

"Sure", the elongation of the vowels in her voice probably meant she wasn't paying attention. Or has any interest in me coming.

"Alright I'll see you then."

There's no way I want to face Cillian without having Adam behind me. Adam would squash Cillian like a bug. Not that I want that to happen. But it would help ease my mind knowing that he could.

I called Adam up and we met halfway to go downtown to Angela's. Adam insisted we bring a bottle of wine because we were guests. At least he was.

Just walking up to her apartment annoyed me. The last time I saw those stairs I was running down them and Cillian was chasing me. He tripped down them which allowed me to get away without a hitch.

Adam knocked the door while I stood behind him.

He answered the door

He stood there wide eyed and said hello to both of us. Oh those eyes. Maybe if I stopped romanticizing his features I could get out of my funk.

"A bottle to apologize for not making it to the Halloween party", Adam presented the cheapish bottle of Merlot.

"No apologies, you didn't miss anything." He looked at me when he said that. You fucking dickhead.

Cillian grabbed the bottle to pop it open. Angela was putting popcorn in the microwave.

We all settled on the couch. This time I wasn't cramped up beside them while watching one of the most erotic films of the decade.

Me and Adam took the couch adjacent to the tv. We were snuggled up with a blanket. Cillian and Angela did the same on the couch across the tv. We all yelled at him to turn on the subtitles because we couldn't understand a damn thing. He jokingly blamed us for him losing his accent.

My focus shifted between the movie and Cillian. When I looked at him, he looked at the tv. When I looked at the tv, I felt his eyes on me. But when we both ended up staring at each other, we quickly turned back to the tv.

The movie was good. I definitely need to see it one more time after this. It was around 1 am by this time. Adam was half asleep. He got up and stretched cracking all of his bones.

"We should get going", Adam tapped my shoulder for us to go.

"No! It's like", she turned to the clock, "1:15. Stay the night."

With little argument, we agreed. We were all so tired to do anything. Me and Adam pulled the futon out and slept. But I just couldn't. I held Adam's body close to me. I started at the clock across me to just hope the morning comes soon enough.

1:30

1:45

1:52

Nothing.

I slipped out of Adams embrace. I slowly got up and made my way to her bathroom. There's no way I could go to sleep now. I opened her medicine cabinet. Melatonin? Ambien? NyQuil? Anything?

Shit.

I stared at myself in the mirror. I took a brush and fixed my hair. Splashed some water on my face. I even bit my lip a little bit to make it more pink. Still wasn't pretty. My short black hair didn't compare to Angela's long brown hair. Her white skin felt superior to my brown skin. Her thin brows to my thick ones. The little things that made me feel worse than I already did. Don't do this now Lucia. Don't start crying now. I took a few deep belly breaths.

I heard a thump and I jumped. I slowly exited the bathroom. Where did that come from? When I used to live with my parents I would excuse random noises as my pets instead of assuming the worst, like ghosts or something.

But feeling the need to be a grown up, I decided to look around. Everything in the living room seemed fine. Kitchen was fine. I heard a creak. It was almost rhythmic. I walked back to the bathroom and looked around the doors. Angela's door was open just the slightest. From the side I held the frame and looked inside.

Oh my.

When you see it in real life it's something else.

The lights were off and the same streetlight peered in like Halloween night. If I stayed that night, that would have been me. His bare body was the only thing visible by light. He held her legs that dangled in the air in ecstasy. He hovered over her body by standing at the edge of the bed while she was flat on her back. I heard the creaks again. With every thrust, I heard it. Her moans were there but I managed to cancel it out. I felt like a curious school girl, or even worse, a Peeking Tom.

He took his eyes off the wall across him to the door. The door where I was standing. Oh shit, he's looking at me. Not I was looking at him and he was looking at the tv. Not he was looking at me and I was looking at the tv. Not our eyes met for a second and we turned back to the tv. No. He was looking straight at me. Eye to eye. Still swinging his body until every object in the room was heard.

I didn't move at all. I was glued to the floor but this was also a choice. It felt like I was in the room with him. Like he was holding my legs. I opened my mouth a bit from staring at him for so long. He cracked a smile throughout all of that. Still looking at me.

What was he doing to me?

My legs felt like jelly. I wanted him so badly. I can't believe he made me admit that to myself.

He moved his head in a cheeky way. We're having a full on non-verbal conversation with each other.

I quickly moved out of the frame as soon as I thought about Angela noticing all of this.

How did I lose my breath from just standing there?

I slowly walked back to the futon. For sure I can't sleep now. I plopped down. I heard Adam groan.

"Where did you go", he said yawning?

I immediately got on top of him and kissed him.