From Fall to Winter

Chapter 18

The Valium I took before the church service was wearing off. Just in time for the reception, which was being held at hall near their house.

If you all remember, I don't like drinking much. I don't really like being around people who drink. So imagine my horror sitting in a hall full of heavily drunk people. Or when they all rushed to find a seat on the floor and dance to "Rock the Boat" or whatever that was.

I didn't feel like drinking today. I didn't want to hide my sadness with liquor. I need to feel this pain.

How can everyone around me be so happy and I'm sitting here with the heaviest heart?

"What's up with you?"

I guess my still face was enough to catch eyes. Joey pulled a chair and sat the opposite way. I didn't flinch.

"Hey," he poked my face and I jerked back. He laughed.

"You wanna dance?"

"I can't dance."

"You can't or you don't want to?"

"I don't want to dance."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me up out of my seat. I could barely feel it.

He dragged me to the dance floor. With great timing, it switched from show tunes to a cheesy Celine Dion love song.

I went to sit back down but he pulled me in for a waltz.

"No you don't."

I scoffed at him.

"Come on dance with me."

I put one hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand. He had one hand in mine and the other on my waist.

"Why the long face?"

"Come on Joey, you know this by now. This is my thing."

"I know it's your thing," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "But I heard you've been all smiley lately."

"Smiley? I don't know where you heard that, but you heard wrong."

"Lighten up, its a joyous day."

I smirked at that.

"There's the smile!"

"Can I cut in?"

Perfect timing. I felt my heart harden up and my breathing constrict again. Joey let go of me to move aside for him. I couldn't move again but he picked my hands up and led the way.

"Can you please smile," he asked me.

I looked down at my feet.

"I want to remember you smiling."

I shot my head up. I bit my lip so he wouldn't see it quivering.

"Don't cry."

"Don't make me cry!" I softly whispered.

He softly hushed me and brought my body closer to him. I wanted to bury my head in his chest and hold his body like this morning but imagine the scene that would make.

He moved head to my side and whispered sweet nothings in my ear:

"I love you."

"I'll be back for you."

"Wait for me."

Did I believe it? In that moment I did. How could I not. I was hurting and he was there with me.

"Come with me."

He looked around. As the groom he was being watched by everyone. Did he think I wanted to have sex with him in a closet or something?

"Just come with me to the lobby," I insisted.

I grabbed my purse from my table and walked out assuming he was behind. I wanted to take his hand and guide him as one does before they have sex but no.

The lobby was near empty. The wedding wasn't anywhere near done. It was only 9. These people will be here until they get kicked out. He kept looking around.

I stopped him on the side near the door so we would be somewhat out of sight but not hiding.

"What is it?"

I looked up at him before I fiddled with my purse. It was about to burst open from me overstuffing it. I snapped it open and pulled out the Eckherd cardboard cover. I took one last good look at it.

"Here you go. My wedding gift to you."

He slowly grabbed it with hesitation. He pulled the VHS tape out of its case. He held it horizontally to read the label.

"March 15th, 1996?"

"I always wanted to see you act so I thought it was fair that you should see one of my movies."

"What's it about?"

"I don't want to spoil it."

He smirked and put the tape back in the case. He pulled me in for a tight hug.

"This is amazing. And kudos to you for fitting it into that purse of yours."

I let out a genuine laugh.

He let me go and held my hand.

"This means the world to me," he said.

I smirked. "That's my only copy so treat it well."

"Come on let's go back."

"Um, Cillian?" He started walking but stopped as I called him.

"I think I'm going to go."

He raised an eyebrow and walked back to me.

"What?"

"I have an early flight tomorrow and I'm not feeling too good."

"But it's my wedding."

I gave him the most pitiful look.

"I know." Don't cry Lucia.

He stood in front of me looking at the floor. Thinking about what to say next. His face was stern. Seems like he took a page out of my book.

"I wish this could have been a better goodbye."

I gave him a half smile. "We've said all we need to say to each other."

His face was distraught. Maybe he had more to say.

I leaped towards him and gave him the biggest bear hug. Both of my arms wrapped around this neck and my cheek touched his. He was startled and held my body gently.

I slowly pulled my cheek from from his and kissed it. I turned to look at him. One last look at him.

"Take care."

the end :)