heartbreaker | goodguyfitz

🌹t e n🌹

     after all of us arrived home it was well past midnight and i did my best to slip into the house without eric spotting me and questioning my actions. still, something about what he said struck me. i thought, no, i knew  that cameron was starting to grow on me and that i was beginning to like him but i didn't need a crush right now. not after everything i've done in the past, and most certainly not after the past has done to me.

     despite it being so late at night i found it hard to sleep due to extreme overthinking. i sighed to myself and paced around the room quietly. i tried my best to forget about the situation but frankly i don't think it was working. i sighed softly and peeked outside the bedroom. i heard quiet voices in some rooms and some that didn't have any.

     i decided to sneak downstairs and have another late-night thinking session outside where i could potentially hear my thoughts from a different perspective. i crept down the stairs to ensure i didn't wake anyone up and slipped outside. i planned on going to the garden but the pool seemed like a better option.

     not fully in the mood to go swimming again, i dipped my legs in and sat on the concrete patio and flinched a bit, the fall, australian weather not mixing well with the cool breeze and temperature of the water. nonetheless i persevered and messed around in the water for a bit, taking my mind off of everything. 

     it wasn't maybe fifteen minutes later when i heard the door open and close. i assumed it was swagger, because he was usually up at this hour doing who knows what.

     "for the last time, eric i'm not gonna fall for any of your bullshit this time so-" i retorted, until i realized it was cameron, and not eric. "oh, it's you."

     "you sound disappointed," he chuckled.

     "quite the opposite, actually." i muttered quietly.

     "what does that mean?" he asked softly, i shook my head and told him to ignore it.

     "nothing." i bluffed, "i thought you were asleep."

     he scoffed softly, "i was, but then i heard the door open and shut and decided to see who was out here. y'know, just to ensure we don't get murdered or anything."

     i chuckled softly, "way to play the hero. but sorry if i woke you up."

     "eh, it was nothing. the couch was pretty uncomfortable anyway."

     i looked at him for a bit, "you sleep on the couch?"

     "well there's actually five different bedrooms and a guest bedroom that technically 'isn't' a bedroom and you're in that one so...besides i don't even live here." 

     "wait what?"

     "yeah, i live in an apartment complex not too far from here. kind of confusing, really." he said. i shrugged. "so, what are you doing at this wonderful hour of, let's see here, 2:44 in the morning having a dip in the pool?"

     i scoffed and laughed a bit, "i couldn't sleep. just...overthinking i guess. when life gives you shit there's nothing you can really do about it, so...here we are." i replied, he nodded a bit, "how about you?"

     he cleared his throat a bit, "well, i saw a girl, sitting outside by the pool by herself and i wanted to give her some company."

     "mm, good response" i chuckled out. 

     there was a silence between the both of us, only the sound of water crashing up against my legs and the walls of the pool could be heard. a small breeze blew through the area and a shiver went through my body momentarily. it didn't help that it was also still freezing out. i let out a quiet sigh before a question ran through my mind that i couldn't help but ask.

     "cam," i begun, he turned his attention towards me, "do you believe in love?"

     the question clearly caught him off guard as he stuttered momentarily, trying to piece together a decent answer.

     "i like to think that i do," he replied. "though it depends. there's a love between a mother and their child. and there's a love that a person could share with another person in their life."

     i scoffed softly, "not unless they don't mean it." 

     he stopped for a moment, "i'm sorry."

     "for what?"

     "for everything you've gone through. i can't imagine what it must've been like to be in that type of relationship." he said quietly, i frowned a bit.

     "i take it swagger told you?" i assumed, he nodded. "i think i'm aware that love exists. it's clearly there for some people. but for me...i don't know. it seems like everyone who i thought loved me never really did." i muttered. i sighed quietly.

     "i know it's hard. but it exists. it just takes a while before you find it. or, before it finds you." he smiled softly.

     i chuckled a bit, "what are you, a philosopher now?"

     he laughed as well, "not really, no. just a somewhat helpful advice giver, i guess."

     "not to burst your ego but its kinda helpful," i replied. 

     he smiled, "thanks. guess i'll start doing it more often. so what do you think about mayonnaise in a cake?"

     "nevermind please never take this up as a career." i said teasingly.

     "hey i gotta do something since youtube doesn't give us shit" he laughed. 

     "you're not wrong," i chuckled out. 

     there was a silence once again. i inhaled and exhaled deeply, feeling much more relaxed than before. it was nice. 

     "i could get used to this, y'know?" i murmured, unaware i had said it aloud. 

     "me too," cameron replied, i turned to face him to see he was looking at me. i smiled a bit and fixed a piece of hair that fell out of place.

     "we talkin' about the same thing here, or?" i teased. 

     "that depends." he stated. i looked back at the water, watching the ripples form as my feet continued to run through the water.

     "i'd love to live here, is what i was trying to say. there's nothing really left for me there." i said, cameron nodded. "besides, i've got you guys. you're pretty fun to hang around. not to mention all the friends i had back in the u.s. were all fake bitches."

     cameron laughed softly, it was kind of adorable now that i heard it once more. "what a wonderful country."

     "it is indeed." i laughed, i let out a soft yawn and brought my legs out of the pool. "well, i think i'm gonna head in now. probably sleep for about four or twelve hours. there never really seems to be an in between."

     "i can relate." cameron replied. 

     i looked at him momentarily and bit my lip, "good night, cam. this was nice." i smiled.

     "good night, (y/n). and yeah, it was. we should do it again sometime." he said, i waved him a goodnight once again and headed upstairs.

      i collapsed on the bed, much more content than before. i climbed into the covers and grabbed the pillow next to me. i hugged it contently, and eventually fell asleep.