Over and Beyond: Drowning(#2)

Chapter 10

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Chapter Ten

I was seated at one side of the room talking with one of my work colleague about some weather related issue but I wasn't paying attention. My eyes, like the first time I saw them, was glued to P'Arthit and P'Dean. P'Arthit looked good in a white long sleeved shirt and black pants, and P'Dean looked even younger in her blue outfit, she looked like she was from a rich family. I never bothered to know about her origin before but now I was curious.

She was clinging to P'Arthit, her hands didn't leave him for more than a few seconds. I know that unlike my feeling for her, hers was real to P'Arthit. It has been three years since that time and she could have gotten over P'Arthit, at least that's what I thought but the way she was looking at him. She wouldn't do this and act that way if she felt nothing.

I know I shouldn't feel this thing that was rising up inside me but every time her lips brushed P'Arthit's face as she whispered words to him, I felt it rise. I haven't been able to touch P'Arthit except for that kiss one week ago. And that cost me. But she was touching him freely.

The possessive side of me could not tolerate it. I was impatient to see them separated. I wondered if I would feel differently if it was someone else and not P'Dean? I don't know, all I know is I was starved for P'Arthit and I hated seeing someone touch him where I can't.

"Getting jealous, Kongpob?" I didn't even know when my colleague left and when Anya replaced him and she was smiling wistfully.

"Go away Anya," I said and looked back at P'Arthit and P'Dean.

"This is real, Kongpob. Maybe not right now but one day P'Arthit is going to move on and be with someone else. He can't continue to live like this with you, right? My father will never let you two be together. You know this, you understand it now don't you. But if you and I get married and you forget all about P'Arthit, then he can have his life back, so let's go and announce our marriage."

She stopped talking but I was watching P'Arthit and P'Dean walk away. "Kongpob," she shook me and I looked at her.

"Sorry Anya, I have something to do." I got up and left her there. I know now that I can't do anything, and after seeing that video and how close Mr Rojhat had been to hurting P'Arthit, I have given up all hope of getting free of Anya and her farther. P'Arthit deserves better but...

But, I love him. I can't even do this one simple thing that should keep him safe. By leaving P'Arthit, marrying Anya I was saving the memories of our relationship that I tarnished by sleeping with Anya and also saving P'Arthit from getting hurt, but giving him up was easy to think about. In the last three weeks I think I have decided to give up at least ten times but I always, always find myself fighting it, looking for a way to keep P'Arthit by my side. He is my life, my everything. I don't know how to live without him and I don't want to know. Maybe giving him up is the only way, maybe I should but as long as he is in front of me I can't help fighting.

"P'Dean," I called to her, making sure to avoid P'Arthit's cool black eyes. Those eyes unravel me and they can see through me. I can't wait anymore. I can't stay away from him for much longer.

"Kongpob?" she looked me up and down and delivered me a kind smile.

"Can we dance now?" I asked.

She seemed surprised; maybe she thought my asking had simply been a play of words.

"It's okay, P'Dean, go, I have something I need to do," P'Arthit nodded and looked at me then without saying a word left. I watched his back as he left and startled when P'Dean touched my arm.