Over and Beyond: Drowning(#2)

Chapter 15

Author's Note: hello my faithful readers. Thank you so much for voting and commenting. I can't say that writer's block is completely gone, but your nice comments and votes are working, so more normal updates from now on.

Remember how I said that this story has twenty chapters in the beginning? Well, I didn't lie but it's looking to be two of three chapters longer than I planned. So please be patient with me. Thank you all.

In the mean time, here is a new chapter for your pleasure. Please read and enjoy and don't forget to vote so that I can boot writer's block's behind. : )

Chapter 15

I thought I was going to break. I thought I wouldn't make it. I hurried into Pete's car, holding my breath, trying to fight my heart from racing and turned my face away to the window. Pete didn't ask me anything. He started the car as soon as he got in and we drove off.

Through the side mirror I could see him watching us leave looking so dejected. The view faded and I closed my eyes, grabbed hold of my emotions and kept them in a tight leash. No, Arthit, you can't do it right now. You have to wait.

Pete was nice to me, always. He took me around for a drive for almost two hours never asking how I felt, where I wanted to go, never asking anything.

Soon we were back at my house. Kongpob's car was gone. "Thank you, Pete" I said and climbed down.

When I was at my door I see that Pete was still following me. I blinked questionably at him.

"Just checking to see if you need anything," he said.

What I needed was space, but maybe not space. Maybe I shouldn't be alone. I don't trust that I wouldn't call Kongpob right now. Pete will keep me in line, even though he doesn't know anything.

"Okay," I nodded. "Yeah, just stay for an hour or so." I let us in to my house and went into the room after telling him to feel comfortable.

Once I see the empty well made bed I knew at once that I can no longer hold it and pretend to myself that I was okay. Kongpob had made this bed just that morning, neatly, carefully. He had kissed me good morning on this very bed and I had no way of knowing that it was our last and final kiss.

I love Kongpob. Maybe I never say it out loud or don't say it often enough but I love him, with all my heart. There is no length I would not go for him, nothing I would not endure for him but this has to be the end. We can't continue to chase a hopeless life together anymore. I have to let him go and admit to myself that it was impossible.

I tried didn't I? I endured it when he went along with the wedding and nearly married Anya, even when I got injured, when he broke up with me because of Anya's father, when he asked me to hide our relationship, when I had to pretend that I couldn't see how much closer he was getting with Anya, when I ignored the gut feeling that Kongpob was lying to me. I tried right? I am not wrong, right? This had to happen.

But why. I clutch my chest, why does it have to hurt so badly. I closed my eyes to keep the tears but they came out anyway, spilling down the side of my face.

I was the most selfish person alive for not seeing that I needed to give up sooner. It took Kongpob's father nearly dying and now P'Dean for me to see that I was hurting people for my own selfish desire. I was putting Kongpob at risk too. I have to let him go, I have to move on. It will hurt but I will make it through. One day, maybe not tomorrow or next month, but I will... be able to feel better.

I sniffed as the tears clogged my throat. I was trying to be really quiet so that Pete wouldn't hear from the living room, but each memory of us in this apartment, even though it was not even up to three weeks we spent in it together, was playing through my mind. I could see Kongpob smile, when he would pretend to be upset, when he would be troublesome. I could see it everywhere.