What am I doing?

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Y/F/F = You Favorite Film (not Bohemian Rhapsody)

Ben and I's relationship was going strong. I really thought I loved him. He's kind, sweet, funny, loyal, super hot and great in bed. That should have been enough for any girl, right? Apparently not for me. There was just something missing, a kind of excitement which I longed for. And I found it, just not with Ben.

I was just visiting Ben on set when he was filming Bohemian Rhapsody when everything started with his good friend, Joe. I don't think either of us meant for this to happen, I mean we both care deeply about Ben, but we just can't seem to stop. Even when I first saw him I found this big attraction towards him. At the time, I didn't know what it was I was feeling because I had never experienced anything like it before.

But then I was finding myself drawn to Joe, wanting to be close to him, especially when Ben wasn't there with me and I just wanted Joe, but surprisingly I wasn't the one to make the first move. 

Ben and I were having dinner with a few of the cast and crew members at our house. Ben was sitting to my left while Joe was sitting to my right. Sitting next to Joe, I was hyper aware of everything, every word he said, every facial expression and movement he made. But in the middle of Lucy and I's conversation, I feel Joe place his hand on my leg. At first, I didn't think anything of it, but then he started slowly sliding it higher and higher until I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom.

I quickly headed to the bathroom and splashed icy-cold water on my face, trying to distract myself from the thought of Joe's hand on my thigh, sliding higher and higher, making me flush hot. I was about to splash myself in the face again when Joe walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

"Joe, what the hell do you think your doing?" I whisper-shouted at Joe as he slowly took steps towards me.

"Something we've both wanted for a very long time." Then his lips were on mine, kissing me hotly which I reciprocated. Nothing about that kiss was kind, which was how I imagined it would be to kiss Joe. Instead the kiss was messy, but exciting, fiery passion. Something which I had longed for for ages.

Just as he pushed me up against the bathroom counter, he moved his lips from mine to place open mouthed kissed down my neck, which made it hard for me to think straight. "Wait." I managed to say and he breaks away, looking at me with lust filled eyes. "What about Ben?"

"We'll worry about that later. Right now, I just want you."

********************

That was two months ago. Ben and I are still together but then Joe and I have still been sneaking around, each time more passionate , loving and exciting than the last. We were going to stop after the first time, but the passion and memories got too much, and we ended up carrying on. But each time Joe and I saw each other, more and more guilt over what we're doing starts eating away at me, becoming more and more unbearable until I finally hit a breaking point. I call Joe.

"Y/N? What's up sweetheart?" Joe says in his normal cheery voice, which for once does nothing to calm me down at this time.

"Joe, I need to tell Ben." I say through quick, panicked breaths and Joe stays silent on the other end, so I carry on. "I can't handle keeping this a secret anymore. He doesn't deserve this, at all. He's too great of a guy. I need to tell him the truth so he can be happy."

"Y/N." Joe interrupts with a soft, kind voice. "Whatever you decide to do, I'll be there for you, okay?" Joe says sweetly and hearing those words calms me down a little. This will all be over soon. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Yeah, that would be great, thank you. But I need to tell him without you here, first." I say, just as Ben steps through the front door, giving me a smile as a greeting which I half-heartedly return.

"Okay, I'll be there in 20." Joe says and I nod.

"I've got to go now, Ben's home."

"Okay, just know I support you, love." With that, he hangs up. I guess its time for me to confess.

"Hey, babe." Ben quickly leans down and pecks me on the cheek before sitting on the couch. "I thought since we both had the day off, we could have a movie marathon like we used to. I even got your favorite film, Y/F/F." Oh-my-gosh, he's such a sweetheart.

"Actually, Ben, I really need to tell you something and your not going to like it." He looks at me curiously but still stays seated as I pace in front of him.

"What is it, babe? You know you can tell me anything." 

"I know, it's just, I've been doing this really terrible thing and I know that it's wrong and I feel awful, but..." Noticing I'm rambling, I stop pacing and take a deep breath. "For the past couple of months, I've been cheating on you, Ben." Shock soon morphs into anger and I brace myself for what's to come.

"You what?" He shouts angrily before taking a deep breath to calm himself. "With who?" Is all he asks.

"Ben, I..."

"With who, Y/N?" The use of my name makes me flinch, making me slightly reluctant to tell him. But he deserves to know.

"Joe." 

I do not condone cheating, at all! There will be a part 2 coming.

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