until it's empty

02.

song for chapter- training wheels by melanie martinez
(put on repeat)

"hey, sorry for making all that noise last night," Mandy says with a fake smile.

i ignore the Mr.Wright speaking, engaging conversation with Mandy. "that was you?!" i whisper yell.

"your brothers a good fuck," she replies with a wink.

"really cuz all i heard was 'harder eli! faster! harder! more!' was he really that bad?"

"i bet you would like to know," she says snarling at me.

"fuck no that's my brother."

"yeah well i'm glad he looks nothing like you. i bet you were adopted. he has black hair and brown eyes while you have blonde and blue eyes and freckles,"

"look who's been observing more! maybe you're not just a dumb blonde," i say clapping.

"Ahem, Miss Day would you like to enlighten us on your little conversation you're having with Mandy?" asked Mr.Wright.

"oh my good friend Mandy was just telling me about how my brother fucked her so good her ass hurts," i reply with a sarcastic smile.

in the corner of my eye i see Mandy put her head in her hands, embarrassed. "Well Miss Lance, maybe you can continue your story with Rachel later since you guys are partners," he says.

"WHAT?!" we yell in sync. "would anyone like to trade?" i ask the class.

the rest of the day went by fast and i finally made my way to 'home.' school went by fast due to the fact that most of the time i just spent by dreading working with Mandy next week.

currently i was laying on my bed looking up at the ceiling. i was home alone right now so i was just admiring the peace. or at least i think.

i started remembering what my dad said last night. we've gotten into many fights before but my mother was a soft spot. he knew that.

'it's all your fault.' i thought. it's true. i was a distraction. she got killed. it was my fault. she was singing to me. she was looking at me. she was holding my hand. we were on our way to the store and a truck hit her. we made it to the hospital and she died the day after.

she was holding my hand when she died.

"i'm going to a party tonight so don't wait up," said Eli from the other side of the door. i just sighed and sat up from my bed after hearing him leave.

i opened my bedroom door and made my way to the kitchen. after searching for the hidden bottle of alcohol i took it to the couch.

"i'm sorry mommy," i said starting to cry. opening the tequila bottle, i took a sip. just one. one long sip.

i pulled the bottle away from my smooth lips after feeling the burning sensation in my throat. it's only 5:00 pm and i'm already drinking.

i used to smoke weed or whatever you want to call it to numb the pain. being 17 you're supposed to be learning how to be independent. getting ready to move out. learning about life.

not me. i'm already throwing my life away. Arron was lucky. he ran away as soon as he got the money. he was a mommas boy so he took my moms death the hardest besides me.

my dad became a heavy drinker and abusive. Eli would stay with his friends every weekend. Arron was barely home, he was either working or at his girlfriends. he would sleep here and that's it. Mark and i only had each other. he took care of me. even though he was 11 and i was 9.

crying and heavy sobs were all that was heard through the empty apartment as i drew the bottle to my lips once more. i took one more long swig of the bitter sweet drink.

"i'm so sorry! please come back please momma!" i cried.

i screwed the cap back on the tequila, setting it down on the ground beside the couch. still crying.

i cuddled into the couch and held a pillow that sat there. still. crying. the front door opened and closed followed by footsteps that carried towards me.

still crying and apologizing to my dead mother, i didn't move. i just lied there. pain numbing my system.

"shhh. shh it's okay," i heard my mother's voice say. she started playing with my hair, slightly rubbing my back.

"it's gonna be okay Rich," said a male voice. i looked up to see a sweaty male in basketball clothes. he must've come home from the gym.

i sat up, now sitting, and brought him into a tight embrace. "i'm sorry," i say, my words being muffled due to my face hiding in his shoulder.

"it's not your fault Rich, she knows that," Mark says while he played with my hair.

"i just want her to be here," i cried. "i miss her so fucking much."

he carried my motionless body to our room and before placing me down on my bed. as Mark played with my hair and giving me the reassurance i needed, i drifted off to sleep.