until it's empty

05.

song for chapter- you by christian leave
(put on repeat)

"it's gonna be okay baby. everything is gonna be okay. you're gonna grow. you're gonna get married. you're gonna have children. you will have a wonderful life. and i'll be in heaven watching you through it all. and maybe you won't see me but just know i'm there. i love you," she said.

"it's okay hon. just remember that your momma is watching over you. you'll be safe with your dad," said aunt lucy.

"once i'm old enough i'm moving out! i'm not ever coming back! i hate you! you ruined my life and i bet you'll do it to them!" yelled arron.

"there's no use coming home to a drunk dad, a brother who hates you, a dead mom, and a little sister who doesn't even care," said eli.

"you. killed. her," said my dad.

"i'll never leave," said mark.

"Rachel, are you okay?" asked Mr.Wright. i looked up towards him and noticed the whole class was staring.

"i'm fine why?" i manage to get out. i didn't notice i was crying until i heard my croaky voice.

"she's probably sad that her dealer ran out," said Mandy. there she was. that wicked girl. i kinda missed that bitch.

"awe someone's cranky," i pouted, "did my brother throw you away like every other girl?"

"ladies, please settle down. Miss Day, if you need to excuse yourself i'll be happy to give you a pass," said Mr.Wright.

"i'm. fine."

"okay then."

he carried on with his teaching for the rest of the class. it was Thursday and though i've been drinking a lot and not working on our crime project, Mandy surprisingly did most of it.

after Mr.Wright's lesson was over, we all headed to lunch. of course i sat with William. and i know what you're wondering. 'where has he been through all this?' well he doesn't know. and i intend to keep it that way. he only came in junior year, when i became popular.

"bitch what the fuck happened to your eye?!" he asked as we sat down at our table.

"i um- got in a fight,"

"with who?"

"n-no one,"

"rach with-"

he gets cut off by Mandy, Julia, and two other girls coming to our table. "yeah Rach with who?" asks Julia in a squeaky voice.

"i bet it was her brother," says the ginger that was with them.

"well if it isn't Regina George and her minions," says Will.

"and who are you? Damien and Janis?" says Mandy.

"OMG! totally! especially since she looks like a dyke!" squeals the blonde one.

i'm about to say something until Julia cuts me off by saying "Rachel isn't the dyke here Olivia, shhh," she says as she puts her finger to her lips.

Mandy's eyes go wide as she scoffs before asking "what is that supposed to mean?"

"oh nothing," julia sings.

"okay anyway, Day, you're coming over to my house," says Mandy, "make sure you're sober."

"of course. wouldn't want daddy kicking me out now would we," i reply.

the rest of the day was like a broken record. i kept being sympathized and asked the same question. all attention was drawn to the bruise on my face.

same on the walk to my apartment. maybe i got stare's becuase of the blunt in my mouth but i bet it was the bruise. i was relieved of all stress when i stepped through the door.

i threw the burnt out blunt into the trash and made my way down the hall. my fathers door was open but he wasn't in there. neither was Eli. nor Mark.

Eli has told me last night that Mark decided to stay with Aunt Lucy for a week because of what was going on at home.

he left, i thought. i walked into my room and sat on my bed not even feeling like going to Mandy's.

before i could grab my remedy to numb it all, Mark started calling me. i pulled my hoodie off, leaving me in my jeans and white tank top.

i answered the phone after pulling it out the pocket and lied down on my bed, shoving my face in my pillow.

"Richie? are you alright?" he asked.

"you left," i replied. i set my phone down for a second, reaching down for the tequila. it was like my water now.

"i didn't leave Rich, i'm just getting away for now," he cooed softly.

"what about me?! he hurt me! i have a black eye! i have bruises all over me! you left me!"

"Rachel, you need to learn how to take care of yourself. i have always been there for you. i've always protected you. take this time to learn for yourself. don't drink please," he says.

"i'm sorry. i love you," i cry.

"i love you too. i gotta go. call me later okay?"

"okay," and with that i hang up.

you're such a fucking baby, i think to myself. i sat up on my bed and started taking sip after sip of the hard liquid. lonely. low. lifeless. useless. screw this.